Bon Mots and Cheap Shots,  Rant

The mirror speaks, the reflection lies

I could do a pet peeves today.  I’m just cranky.  It’s cold and raining and it’s the 24th of May fergodsakes.  I had to cancel my morning bike ride, that makes me cranky.  And I’m opening the plethora of junk mail that arrives at The Farm every week.  I used to just throw it out but now that identity theft is being talked about so much in the media, and the economy is in the crapper, everyone is an identity thief…so I have to shred everything.  Who do I hate most?  The person who spent the time to hand write this and send it to me?  Or the stack of pre approved letters from Citi Financial, Bank of America, and who knows who else that I get every week.   I like the ones that come with the card with my name on that I can’t shred and I have cut up by hand each week.  Or the countless political mailers.  Or the pamphlet of services from our local hospital.  All crap I won’t read but will throw away.  After I make sure it isn’t actually something that was sent to me deliberately by someone I know or do business with.  Ninety minutes of my life each week that I will never recover.  I do so hate junk mail.  It’s almost worse than spam.

Hello,

I am Mr. Lawrence Duncan Attorney and financial adviser to Mr. Burke Sean (Late). I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

Mr. Burke Sean prior to his unexpected death deposited a huge sum of money (11.6 million United States dollars) with a financial institution. Eventually, this client died in a plane crash and since his death we
have not had anybody come up for the claims as the next of kin.

A situation I have monitored closely with the financial institution.

Now having monitored this deposit and managed it over the years before his death and hence nobody has showed up as the next of kin for the past years.

I now solicit for your assistance to present you as the next of kin as every other arrangement has been concluded by me. I am only waiting for a foreigner to take possession of the deposit from the security firm.
This does not have any risk attached to it as all the document pertaining to the deposit are currently intact. As his personal Attorney I cannot make claim regarding the funds, all I have to do is to donate somebody as his next of kin and beneficiary to share the proceed 50/50 after the final conclusion of the subject matter.

I therefore request you to confirm your interest by a return message through my email and I will furnish you with details and more information on how to go about the claim of the deposit from the company.

Till I hear from you.

Best regards,

Mr. Lawrence Duncan.

Who are all these foreigners with millions of dollars to split with me?

Crapatorium

I’ve had better evenings than yesterday.  Beauregard was sick some more and Rita thought it good form to join in the party.  I had her in her crate so in the event Beauregard was sick in the house (he was) she wouldn’t run through it and make the situation worse.  I came home last night and he looked at me sheepishly, knowing that he shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t help it.  I led him outside (where he proceeded to not stay, turn around and come back in and walk through the mess)  and went to grab Rita by the collar and lead her out, hopefully avoiding the minefield and containing the damage.  I didn’t count on her having been sick in her crate.  I opened the door and reached down to grab her collar as a whirling dervish of red Doberman and shit came flying back at me.  Just not what you like to see on a Friday afternoon.  The house smells like pine sol (an amazing improvement) and everyone is currently banished to the tiled area of the house. Everybody is also now on white rice, eggs and kefir until further notice.

rice-nose-beau.JPG

It would be clever if he was balancing something on his nose, but he’s not, it’s a stuck piece of rice.

Party like a Rock Star

It’s raining this morning…ok, that’s nearly whining, twice in three paragraphs.  I went down to the gym and worked out like an animal.  I added 5% to my weights, started a four week cycle for the upcoming meet and finished with a crossfit (modified) workout.  I’d have been better off on the bike.

Three sets (I just didn’t have five in me)

20-15-10

  • kettlebell swings
  • those nasty crossfit situps
  • back extensions
  • knee ups

I think it’s going to leave it’s mark.

OK, Beauregard has a date with destiny…his vet.  I think the issue is their affinity for green apricots, but just in case, we’re going to have the boy looked at.

Random cuteness from the Chinese earthquake…really, trust me.

3 Comments

  • judir6

    Panda rescue! Yea!

    Poor Beau and Rita. I hope you figure out what it is that is causing the shit piles.

    No egg – use chicken or ground beef and boil it. Easier on their bellys.

  • The Brother

    Jehovah’s Witnesses huh? Clearly they haven’t figured out that Satan lives at your house. Do you need help clarifying this for them?
    Yes, the weather stinks, I was just in Sacramento and it stinks up there too.

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