Sweet lovely death, I am waiting for your breath

Right now, in my life, the shittiest thing I have to do is “make the call”.  So far I feel comfortable with the idea that I have consistently gotten it right.  Rayette was in kidney failure and deep distress.  I will never forget saying to the vet “I know what’s in it for you and I know what’s in it for me.  You haven’t explained to me what’s in it for the cat.”  He couldn’t and I went back to my normal vet the next day and let her go.  Broderick went flat on me, he was easy.  I was helping him out of his pain.  He was so far gone that they had to actually shoot the stuff into his heart, his veins had already collapsed.  I didn’t have to make the call on Xica, she took herself out of the game.  I don’t know if I could have done that one, so I always consider that her last gift to me.

Beauregard was brutal, but I told him on Sunday, just wait until I get home on Tuesday and then you can go.  He woke me up 3am Wednesday morning, it was time.  Toby’s feet had swollen up, she was shutting down from her cancer.  It was the right thing to do.  Cody collapsed and I had to carry him into the vet’s office to let him go.  Ike was a little tougher, but I had already made the decision to let him go for his deteriorating temperament issues.  I figured they were a byproduct of the pain from his Wobblers.  So he picked a fight with Norman and lost magnificently.  I think he would have let Norman kill him if I hadn’t intervened.

Miss Cleo.  This one is harder.  She has been deteriorating for about a week.  Today her breathing was labored and distressed.  It wasn’t getting better as the morning wore on.  I took her in, fully expecting to leave with a leash and a collar.  Which I did, the difference was the dog was still attached.  I don’t know if I got this one right so far, but I didn’t think it was her time yet.  I’m not going to spend a bunch of money doing tests on a 14 year old dog, but I went with a run of antibiotics.  If it’s pneumonia and I can fix it for the cost of antibiotics and give her a little more time, what’s the harm?  If it’s something worse, a tumor, DCM (no indication on that one), lung cancer…the antibiotics won’t make a difference and we’ll be right back to where we are today.  And I will have given this old dog a fair shot.  Again.

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