We haven’t done Bon Mots and Cheap Shots in a while. After five days on the road, it seems appropriate.
Let’s start off with Delta Airlines. Credit where credit is due. They got those sonofabitches off the gate and in the air on time. Set a watch by those guys. Clear airplanes, delightful staff. Smooth flight back to Orlando and relatively smooth home, even though I know that’s a function of the weather, I was expecting a rough flight home and it did not scare the crap out of me. In spite of both flights home being over booked on the way home I had an empty seat next to me.
Now, a couple of bitches. 1) A regional jet to Los Angeles? Really? Coming into Oakland with unsettled weather on that little bitch damned near gave me a heart attack. I know my Dad would have loved it, but I am not my father when it comes to airplanes. It’s not that I don’t like the concept of flying, I do. It’s that I think that most corporations in America are inherently evil and would do anything to make money, including skimp on much needed maintenance to save a buck. One word. Jackscrew. Nuff said. Alaska Flight 261 is why I am afraid of flying. I didn’t used to be.
I have a new client who I met last Friday. He is a retired airplane mechanic. That’s the thing, he’s retired. He’s the kind of guy I would want working on my plane. Methodical, uncompromising, Swiss. I think the mechanics truly care, I don’t think the white collar jerkoffs give a damn.
2) $25 to check my first bag? Bullshit. Just bullshit. Luckily I like to travel light so I was charged $25 and not $35 for a larger bag. I take pride in wearing everything I bring. I did with one exception. Whenever there’s a hotel pool at these events, I bring my swim suit and swim laps rather than try and work out at the gym when every other agent of the Cult of Red is trying to work out. Did I mention we were in Florida? Orlando to be exact. Upon my arrival Sunday morning at 6:30am it was 34 degrees in Orlando Florida. That bullshit continued until Tuesday morning when it was in the 60’s and got up to the 70’s. It’s Florida fergodsakes. Anyway I wore/used everything except my swimsuit. Upon my arrival at Orlando International yesterday to go home the porter was right there when I got out of the the Supershuttle. He took my bag and then after charging me $25 for it stood there and muscled me for a tip. I paid it to keep my bag from ending up in Bogata, but Buddy, you’re an asshole.
3) Mears Transportation. They have a monopoly on the airport with direct transportation from all of the hotels to the airport and back. In other words, all the other shuttles can’t be there. So it cost me $50 to get to the hotel. You people are assholes.
3) The problem with these things is that you just get jacked for everything. One solution is Starbuck’s Via. It improves upon crappy room coffee by the tenfold. And keeps you from having to pay $5.25 for a cup of coffee. Or $3.25 for a small bottle of water. Or $10 for a quesadillo. Assholes.
Next subject. Whitney Houston. Rest in peace, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for your daughter who had to deal with a trainwreck of an addict as a mother and a complete idiot for a father. I’m really sorry for Cissy Houston who spent 48 years watching that train speed out of control towards the bridge that everybody knew was out. Whitney, you disrepected Dolly Parton back when you had the hit from her song. That always pissed me off. I don’t care how beautiful your voice was. Key word “was”. Credit where credit is due and “I will always love you” was a brilliant song written by a brilliant songwriter. You should have given her some credit back in 1992. That was classless and I’m one of those purists who never forgot. Dolly, on the other hand was gracious and forgiving. Last week when asked about the song by Anderson Cooper quipped that every time that song was played on the radio she bought another cheap wig. I’m sure that song has made Dolly a very wealthy woman. She recorded it twice. I do believe later Whitney did mention Dolly so I imagine I wasn’t the only person who noticed.
That being said, I’m sure Whitney alternatively made Cissy ridiculously proud and crack her molars. I supposed it’s your duty to your parents. Addiction is a terrible thing. And it’s a disease. When someone is a super star like Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Brittany Murphy, Elvis Presley and on and on they have plenty of enablers all around them. Whitney Houston had no business drinking champagne or having any sort of pills in her room. I blame her Doctors and her entourage for not calling her on her shit. But at the end of the day, it was her shit that killed her. Now, why in heaven’s name are we watching about this bullshit 24/7 on CNN? Just another reason I don’t have cable.
Move along, nothing to see here.
Rick Santorum. Or as Sandra Berhard refers to him Sick Rantorum. Why is this jackass surging? Over the other jackass. Who outpaces the third and fourth jackass. Do you people understand that he believes that life is absolutely holy, until the moment you are born and then you’re on your own? That Government should absolutely stay out of your life unless you are a woman in which case it can dictate just about everything you do? What is the matter with middle America? This guy promises them nothing but Bush II on steroids. And that worked out so well.
OK. Five bad quarters. The last one in 2009. Now, quickly kiddies, who was President in 2008? OK and who was sworn in January 2009. OK and how many quarters in a row have we had growth? Thankyouverymuch.