That’s great, it starts with an earthquake

Well, I’m still here.  Guess that rapture gig didn’t work out so good for Mr. Camping.  You gots a lot of splaining to do Lucy.  Let’s start with a few random Bible quotes.  Matthew 7:15. I don’t know what this New International Version is…let’s go with King James.

15Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Now a little twist to the New International Version:

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

It’s those damned evildoers again.  Hmmm.  Wonder why GWB got that shit? Checking in with 1 Thessalonians 5:2

1 Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2 for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3 While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

Harold, let me help you out on this one.  It means when the Lord comes back, he’s not getting some poor shmuck to spend his $140,000 retirement to put up billboards for you.  There were an unbelievable 5500 billboards around the world proclaiming yesterday Judgment Day.  God doesn’t care about all your billboards along the I-80.  He does care about all of his creatures and killing them because you drank Harold’s Kool-Aid.  Bill, that’s a good way to get turned away, if you really read the good book and knew what it said.

Frankly the whole thing reminded me of Jonestown, home of the original Kool-Aid.  Jim Jones had the date wrong too and while his followers were true believers, when a charleton’s world come crashing down on them, deperate things happen.  Has anybody heard from Harold?  I mean the guy is 89 years old, that much stress and he might have met his maker last night at 6pm.  His own personal rapture.  The familyradio.com website has been crashed out for a couple of days.  Maybe that’s what he meant.  Lucky we have Cultwatch to help us out.  Here is their advice to Harold’s now left behind followers:

  1. Be prepared to accept that you are wrong. Many others have claimed to know the end of the world before now, and obviously they were wrong. They too misinterpreted Scripture, so if the rapture does not occur on the 21st of May 2011 then you will have joined their ranks. This will be a blow to your ego and some will find this failure very emotional. The best course of action is to prepare to be humble.
  2. Don’t let this failure destroy your faith. The Bible was not wrong, you just interpreted it incorrectly. Harold Camping and his complex string of assumptions and fact fiddling has failed you, God’s Word has not failed you.
  3. If you are not raptured on the 21st of May 2011, don’t panic. It is not because you are a bad Christian, it is because the date is wrong. You’ll find it hard to believe that something you held with such ardor and faith is erroneous, and so you will be prone to blame yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of self condemnation, read Romans 8:1. Remember also that it will be extremely obvious when Jesus Christ returns, like lightning across the whole sky, there is no chance that anybody will miss it, Luke 17:24.
  4. Before the 21st of May 2011 do not do any of these things: do not sell your house and give the money away, do not stop paying bills, do not say anything you will regret to friends and family, don’t quit your job, don’t leave your loved ones. Don’t do anything that will damage your life if the 21st of May 2011 proves not to be rapture day.
  5. Don’t harm yourself or others. Some people who were convinced the end was coming have committed suicide or even hurt or killed others. We at Cultwatch don’t believe any of Harold Camping’s followers would do this. But understand that this sort of thing has happened before, and so it is prudent to talk about this unlikely possibility. If you think you might react in this way to the failure of the 21st of May 2011 date, then you need to let people know now. Do not be alone on the 21st and 22nd of May 2011. If you think there is any risk of you harming yourself or others, then be bold enough to speak out now.

Yep.  Epic fail.

Well while the rapture was not occurring yesterday I was out turning a century on my trusted steed. I didn’t notice an earthquake or a lightening flash in the sky.

 


Yep. That’s 100. And then a little bit more. It was a pretty nice ride all and all. I had enough food with me and the SAG guys provided enough water. I had some problems with my feet and I’m going to reassess the settings on the new cleats to be sure they’re set properly on my shoes. My last set simply blew up. Apparently they’re only good for 5000 miles and I think mine did at least that. I’ve been riding on those for three years. They wouldn’t even go back together there were pieces missing.

One of the SAG guys gave me a banana and a ride leader gave me some cramping pills and my feet settled down to finish the ride. The lunch stop was the Jelly Belly Factory. Amazingly I’ve never been there. They were selling unbranded sports beans for 50 cents per bag. I think they helped the cramping in my feet too.

I keep my phone turned off when I’m riding because these smart phones will keep looking for towers while you’re riding. You can never look at a thing, never take a call and be out of power when you get back. I leave it off. Yesterday I fired it up to find I had an “urgent” message. When you have an 83yo mother, urgent messages send a shock through your heart when you see them. I frantically went through all the machinations that Verizon has you do to get your voice mail messages only to find out some bitch that speaks english with a mouth full of marbles was calling on one of my listings. Really? You ignorant slut. That house has been on the market for 280 days. There isn’t a goddamned thing urgent about that house, unless you thought yesterday was Judgment Day.

Yeah, that was a softball.

2 comments for “That’s great, it starts with an earthquake

  1. May 23, 2011 at 8:29 am

    And the people said “Amen!”

  2. titleslug
    May 23, 2011 at 9:45 am

    I saw an ass clown explaining, on HLN, Sunday morning, “Others have predicted the rapture, too. Usually, when they pick a specific date, they’re wrong.”
    He had to say that out loud and HLN had to broadcast it! One would assume they’ve been wrong 100% of the time.
    To review; Evangelicals are wrong whenever they bring their faith to the public. They were wrong about W. They’re always wrong about the rapture. They’re wrong anyone cares about their faith.
    That’s the thing about faith. It’s personal. Mamma always said, “Keep you God out of my face and all of us are much, much happier.”

Leave a Reply