Tell me what will I find

I don’t really have time for more than a drive-by but some things just need to be said.

Last night I went to the wake of a son of a friend of mine.  I don’t recall ever meeting him as an adult, I believe I met him when he was a kid.  I spoke to him on the phone when he worked in an escrow office.  Very smart young man.  After attending his wake last night, set to coincide with the occasion of his 30th birthday, had he made it, I found out that he was one of those young men that burned very bright.  His mother had told me he was an old soul.  It was apparent from his friend’s recollections.

I realize that I am now an adult and while I still have the brain of a 16 year old in an old woman’s body, sometimes the wisdom of my years bubbles up to the top.  His friends were all 30 somethings, 20 somethings.  Today’s up and comers.  There’s a lot of complaining out there of this next generation.  I didn’t feel that way last night.  I saw a parade of thoughtful young people who all spoke glowingly about their friend in front of a crowd of several hundred.  Young people shouldn’t have to do that, but they did it and they did it honorably.  His younger sister did an amazing job in spite of the horrific pain she is enduring.

A couple of months before his death his mother told me that he was lost and he needed to find his own way.  I said the appropriate things.  In January he lost his way forever, ending his life in a dive off of our famous and glorious bridge.

I’m glad I personally don’t know what depression really is.  I’ve had friends who battle it describe it to me as a dark, sucking abyss that pulls you downward.  There’s a part of me that always wishes I had a shot to try and make a difference.  My logical mind knows that I won’t make a difference, they need a professional.  The part of me that’s always digging through the pile of horse shit looking for a pony always wants to try.

I’m sad for my friend.  It’s a horrific loss for a mother.  One of my friends who was sitting at the table with me last night said “I cried for weeks when my dog died, I can’t imagine what she’s going through.”   I can’t either.  I’m just sad that she has to.

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