Once a tickle, now a rash

There’s something in my personality that allows me to do a sort of immersion program.  I’ll find an artist that does something interesting and then I’ll check out everything they did.  Generally they have to be doing something that no one else is doing.  Like Big and Rich.  Lately I had been noticing everything that I liked on the radio was recorded by Pink.  I hadn’t paid much attention to her because her earlier stuff was dance stuff and I’m not a big fan of dance.  However her last three efforts were heading in a different direction, so when I got an Amazon e-cert last week, I ordered a couple of Pink CD’s.  They never should have pigeonholed that woman into dance.  Ever.

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She even sings an acoustic song recorded in one take with her father.  It’s a song he wrote when he was in Viet Nam.  As a child she sang it at VFW halls with her Dad.  My favorite recent quote has to do with Kanye never having the balls to do to Pink what he did to T-Swift.  Yeah.  Word.

But it’s time for today’s rant.  I’m not a big fan of the Concord Police Department.  I have called the the Keystone Kops before and with good reason.  I thought I had told this part of the story before, but here goes.  When I first moved to Concord the real estate agent kind of masqueraded what kind of neighborhood Camp Dowhatyouwannado was in.  It was iffy and by the time I sold, the Nortenos were trying to set a flag.  I realized that it was iffy and took Beauregard down to the Cop House at the end of the block.  Yup, headquarters was at the end of the street but we fought the Nortenos down there.  This was in 2000, long before this horrible incident.  I had alarmed the house and I wanted to be sure that the police department (located at the end of the street) knew that the Doberman in the home was a pet and not a vicious dog.  The asshat behind the counter said “Don’t get in trouble and we won’t have to come to your house.”  You Madam are an asshole.  So I walked out and hoped that nothing happened at that house.  But it did.  My truck was broken in to seven times in the driveway.  The only time the Concord Police actually caught someone was when the tweeker tried it in the middle of the day and my neighbor called them.  They showed up because the guy had tried several cars before my truck.  He just happened to be at my truck at 4pm in the afternoon when they got there.  At that point, it would have been number eight.  I said to the cop, “Y’all aren’t going to do anything about this, why don’t you go back to your car and I’ll straighten this out.  I’ll bring back your handcuffs when I’m done.”  I don’t think he understood I was serious.

Then there was the crazy guy at the 7-11.  Normally I didn’t go down to that 7-11 unless I needed something weird in the morning, like half and half.  Which is what I needed that morning.  I pulled into the parking lot and a bottle whizzed by my head.  At 5:30am.  Seriously.  I went inside and the young man from another country (imagine that?) told me “that guy’s crazy”.  No shit dude.  “He broke my window”.  The large plate glass window on the other side of the store was shattered.  Did you call the police?  You know the guys with the big building ACROSS THE STREET?  Yes, they haven’t come yet.  Give me that goddamned phone.  I called them again.  “How do you know he’s crazy?” she asked incredously.  “You know what honey?  I don’t.  He’s violent.  Is that good enough for you?”  I was pretty shaken so when I left, I left the half and half sitting on the counter.  I got back home and realized it and went back.  At that point the guy was laying across the driveway, in the dark.  In dark clothing.  For a brief second I thought “I can solve a problem right here and now.”  But then I didn’t, I drove around him.  And the cops still weren’t there.  At 5:30am in the morning.  So I went inside, picked up my half and half and called them back and screamed at the dispatcher and told her I was pretty sure they weren’t showing up because the original caller had a mid-Eastern accent and I sure hope nobody gets hurt waiting for you clowns at 5:30am in the freaking morning.  I decided to wait with the guy since the police were too busy eating donuts to do their job.  Yeah, I just went there. About that time I hear sirens.  I step outside just in time to see a Concord Keystone Kop come around the corner all lit up in a four wheel slide and park his patrol car right into a telephone pole.  Idiot.  There was nothing else going on that morning, it was just incompetence all around on the part of the Concord PD.  And the other cop laughed at the guy who wrecked the patrol car.  I guess it’s funny when the taxpayers have to pay for you being a moron.  Don’t stop there!  I still have another incident involving the Concord Police.  Remember when I told them about Beauregard and they said stay out of trouble and we won’t come to your house?  That was because they weren’t ever planning on solving a crime.  About a year before we left that neighborhood I came home and something wasn’t right.  I couldn’t figure out what it was.  It was after Xica died so Beau was home alone.  Then I noticed something was wrong with the patio door.  Someone had tried to break into the house but were stopped by Beauregard.  There was dog snot all over that window, and not at the usual height.  That dog hit that window with a decent force.  There was snot up high.  Two hours later a crime tech took some fingerprints and I never heard another thing from the Concord Police, because I don’t believe they solve crime here at all.  I also don’t believe they give a damn.

Back in the hood I used to call them on a regular basis.  I’d ask them to put a motorcycle cop in my neighborhood before a child got run over.  There was an elementary school at the other end of the neighborhood.  And  Nortenos people used to speed through the neighborhood.   They told me that if they did they’d lose a cop on the street because chances were that when they stopped someone they would have to run them and there would be warrants and the cop would be off the street while they were taking the deadbeat in.  God knows we don’t want criminals off our streets so we never got a motorcycle cop.  I badgered one lady officer who was parked writing a report one day about it and occasionally she would come down and sit on the corner.  Otherwise and officially we got dick.  Finally the City put in speed bumps.  Because that was easier than arresting criminals.

I called them over the Section 8 house a few houses down.  They were dealing drugs.  The dispatcher argued with me about “How did I know they were dealing drugs?”  Well, you stupid twit, when my friends come to visit, I invite them in, I don’t just shake hands in the street and they drive off.  A year and a half later Child Protective Services, HUD and CPD had a huge raid at that house, took the children away and eventually evicted them.  But Concord PD argued with me when I tried to report the crime.

So you can imagine my surprise when a Concord cop pulled me over for speeding.  I was like “You guys really do things?”  But then I thought about it.  It was the end of the month and he hadn’t made his quota so he was sitting up on Ygnacio Valley Road with a speed gun picking off expensive cars.  Shooting fish in a barrel.  He doesn’t have to run anybody in because they don’t have warrants because most of the people on that road are heading to their expensive homes in Clayton, Crystyl Ranch and Turtle Creek.  They aren’t criminals.  This is just a revenue generating venture.  It has nothing to do with the City of Concord really wanting to make things better around here.  If they did they would have picked up the dead skunk on that very same road.  The one that was hit at Thanksgiving and is still in the bike lane as of yesterday.  Only a lot flatter.  Anyway, yes, the little asshole got me.  But there wasn’t a speed limit sign up that day in September.  Because if we all remember the City was pouring all that TARP money into working on the road.  The speed limit sign looked like this.

If you look at the intersection of the roof of the red car and the side of the CalTrans sign you can see the edge of the speed limit sign.  The other one was knocked over and in the dirt to the right.  Seriously.  So this little punk ass cop pulls me over and says that I’m going way too fast and that they have a lot of rollovers on that road.  One, I wasn’t going that fast, but I didn’t know what the speed limit was, two, 5 series BMW’s only roll over due to extreme speed and driver error and three I know how many accidents are on that road because I read the local reports and I call bullshit.  But I’ll sign your ticket since I don’t know what the speed limit is.  It was 55mph on the Walnut Creek side and I knew it dropped down but I didn’t know to what.  I had missed the light at Cowell so in the 1/4 mile between Cowell and Crystyl Ranch I had picked a speed that felt ok.  I thought it was around 50.  This little shithead wrote me at 64.  He’s saying 0-64 in less that a 1/4 mile.  Bullshit.

So I go to court because this one just isn’t right.  Normally I don’t go to court because normally I’m guilty.  I’ve gone three times in my life.  Three times out of 55 moving violations.  If I go, it’s egregious.  Once in Oakland.  He said I blew a stop sign.  He got the wrong car.  To this day I will say he got the wrong car.  It was after the earthquake and it was down under where the Cypress used to be.  I was not going to be the caucasian commuter busting through that poor neighborhood that ran over somebody’s little child.  I followed every traffic rule to the word and I stopped completely behind the white line on every stop sign.  He got the wrong car.  The other was the 105 in the desert ticket.  I didn’t go to court, I sent an attorney because it’s a “go to jail” offense and I didn’t want to go to jail in Blythe, California.  And this one.  My case is the first one they call.  I am never first.  I am always second to last.  That’s how it goes.  I think they pulled me out because they knew what an asshole this cop was.  He stands up and starts reciting shit.  He’s going so fast I’ve got no idea what he’s saying.  It’s spewing out numbers and shit and then I hear the words “calibrated” and “July” and I realize it’s his testimony.  Rat bastard.  It sounded like this:

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I think they did this on purpose to put all the other folks in court that day on their heels.  I was totally on my heels and never recovered.  The Concord Police and the traffic judge steamrolled me.  And I think they did it on purpose.  This joker says he got me at 900 feet and I couldn’t have seen him.  Except he didn’t see the red BMW that warned me he was there.  So in his world I supposedly went from 0-64 in about 420 feet.  That’s one fast car.  A 525i will do that, but mine won’t at $3.00 gallon for gas.  I don’t drive like that.  It was total bullshit and now I have a $380 fine for something I didn’t do, another round of traffic school and if I get caught again, my insurance (which has now gone up $80 a month on top of the $60 a month my health insurance went up) will probably be canceled and I’ll have to get insurance with the same guys that insure the gangbangers.  Freaking awesome.

As far as I can tell, the Concord Police don’t do anything.  If you call to report a crime, you’re wrong, but if you’re driving a nice car in a safe neighborhood at the end of the month when the City needs to generate some revenue, you’re wrong there too, no matter what.  The citizen is always wrong.  And the Concord Police are free to sit on their collective asses and drink coffee.  That’s one Police Department where I don’t mind cutting their funds, they aren’t there for the citizen, that’s for sure.  They seem to just be there for their pensions.

3 Replies to “Once a tickle, now a rash”

  1. You know, if you’re only listening to her most recent three albums, you’re probably missing shit like this. Not dance. 🙂 And the video’s pretty awesome, too.

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