GIVE ME THAT BABY YOU WARTHOG FROM HELL!

I think I put the full service into full service realtor yesterday.  I have a house that will be coming on the market in about three weeks.  The couple are going through a divorce and it’s not a pretty one.  I call it The War of the Roses.  I’ve been friends with the wife for 25 years.  They’ve been married for seven.  It’s ugly.  The sad part is they’re both nice people that should have never married each other.  And of course there’s a child.  The cutest little boy in the world.

Yesterday they had to go to court.  She’s been spinning in circles, but because I will represent them both in the sale of the house I have told them both that I am not a party to the War of the Roses and to never use me as a reference for anything against the other, I am Switzerland.  She called me and asked me to take their son to day care.  No big deal, sure I’ll take him.  He’s a cool little boy.  She says “I’ll leave the carseat”.  OK, I say.  Those of you of a certain age with new Grandchildren have all just chuckled to yourself in a knowing way, just like I will chuckle in the future when somebody says that to me.

I got there and sure enough the carseat was sitting on the porch waiting for me.  I picked it up and walked back to the fourth door of my sedan.  I guess I figured if I walked like I knew what I was doing the car seat would comply.  Not so much.  I had to have a four year old show me how to operate the goddamn thing.  I just prayed that I had it right enough that if something happened he would survive and I would not be on the 5 o’clock news for not properly restraining a 4 year old.  I just didn’t think “He said to do it this way” was going to be a good legal defense.

arizona1

Because it’s not good when Raising Arizona is one of your favorite movies.  I know what happens when you don’t properly strap a child into a car seat.  Or leave one on the roof.  You have to worry about stuff like this guy.

arizona10

So I knew better. And the theme music played in my head while he was telling me about his day at school.  He had a bad day.  One of his little friends didn’t want to have a play date with him because he was jealous.  “What’s he jealous of?” I asked.  Everyone.  Everyone?  Yep.  Don’t worry little man, that’s a tough road for your friend to take, he’ll get over it.  And if that’s your biggest problem little man, life is good, trust me.

Speaking of driving charges around, I have a new charge here.  She goes to Red Bluff today.  I picked her up from her original family yesterday.  She’s a bit of a spaz.  She’s a 9 month old puppy.  I guess she might have air snapped at a child or maybe she was just too much for the mother who had two and a third on the way.  I can’t imagine her snapping at anyone.  She’s right in the sweet spot of what I’m looking for but her breeding isn’t right and I want the ears done on the confirmation dog.  She had all of her papers so I knew who bred her, but her structure ain’t all that. It ain’t even close.  So off to rescue she goes, she’ll get a home quick.  She’s super cute and super sweet.

Buzz

Right now she’d like to know what the hell is going on.  Rita took her to school but then decided that she could live.  Bubba on the other hand has been extremely protective of me.  I’m kind of surprised by this behavior.  She is not allowed to get closer to me than he is.  She may not touch me in his presence.  She may not breath oxygen in his presence and she sure as hell may not say anything in his presence.

bubbaschooling

Here she is trying to get to me last night.  His face says it all.  I thought that bringing a female here would be fine, but he’s not okay with her.  I think he’d get there if she were staying.  When I’m out of the picture, he ran in the yard with her.  He’s just not having any of this puppy right now.

Bubbapissed off

She’s behind him and I’m sure if he could speak he would say “You suck”.

4 Replies to “GIVE ME THAT BABY YOU WARTHOG FROM HELL!”

  1. My wife has informed me that it is Not Good to duct tape our grandchildren to the back of the seat. Picky picky.

    Play dates? Another sign of the collapse of Western Civilization. You have to make an appointment to have fun? What happened to “be back before dark and don’t kill yourself”? How did we ever survive?

Leave a Reply