Bon Mots and Cheap Shots,  Dogs,  Home Improvements,  Stuck on Stupid

Bon Mots and Cheap Shots

Ain’t nothing but a dog party!

The Fourth of July featured another dog party. I’ll have to quote the invite here, just because it’s brilliant and makes me laugh every time I see the email. It was entitled “The Liberation of Paris”

July 4th is on a Wedneday this year, and we should use the opportunity to commemorate, nay, celebrate Paris Hilton’s release from the clutches of the guv’mint. “Legally blonde” is more than a concept, it’s an affirmative defense, because everyone always thinks it’s so cute when blondes do goofy things…

Please bring your four legged friends (who, not being blonde, have always been smart enough to avoid violating probation, even to drive to a hamburger place) and join us for a BBQ in the afternoon, say 2 to 6. Anyone still around at dark can join us up on the hill to watch fireworks from a distance.

Yes, they’re all attorneys. It was 150 degrees out. Here is Beauregard in recline:


He said it was “damned hot” out. I even got him to lay down in a wading pool, and we all know that Dobermans will melt if exposed to water. Kind of like the wicked witch.

Back at the Farm
I’ve been working like a dog on the house. It’s almost 7:30 on a Sunday, I should have gotten out on my bike earlier today and I just can’t move. I had to hire a plumber to replace the angle valves under the sink. They were so corroded that I was afraid of breaking the house. What they did was ridiculously simple and I’m pretty pissed off at myself for not being able to figure it out on my own. It was a $250 lesson. It could have been worse. It’s done, they did a good job and I learned something. I have carpet samples laying in the living room. I need to get over there and pull the rest of the nasty flooring garbage up. I’d like to get to the dump today, but that may involve employing a day laborer. If I get an email soon from Craig’s list wanting to buy the fridge, I’ll go get me a day laborer. Otherwise, I’m Fred Sanford loadin’ up the truck. The tiles in the entry were clay clear through so I’m going to salvage them for use in the back yard. After I finish the floors today, I need to take TSP to the kitchen cabinets and the paneled den. Then I’m going to rub it down with mineral spirits and it should be ready for new stain. I’m running by Kelly Moore this morning to get some. On the upside, if I run my ass off for the next four days, I can fly to Hawaii on Thursday with a clear conscience.

Maverick’s Sports

Maverick’s is the gym up near the new house. My old gym, Bally’s is clear across town and probably a 20 minute drive. At 5:00a.m., twenty minutes each way is too much. Maverick’s is 4 minutes each way. It’s a 70,000 square foot facility. And the jackass owner has been cutting every corner possible for three years. Now the County has shut down the pool. It was supposed to be remodeled three years ago. He’s been “remodeling” the men’s locker rooms for close to three years. It’s an 8 week project, dumb ass. You can smell the mold in the carpet upstairs. I promise you, it’s the wrong kind of mold. The whirlpool is down in both locker rooms. I guess it’s nice that the steam room is working, but slats are missing. Yet this ass clown wants $62 month in membership. The membership maven called me Friday after my visit and I let her have it. She took a deep breath and I believe told me the truth. She’s willing to get the district manager in there to talk to me. I think I will do it. I could rehab the entire facility in six months for under $750k. I’m sure of it. This owner is a joker. Let’s see what the district manager has to say about this. On the upside, a friend of mine designed the weight rooms and they are beautiful. Perfectly laid out, equipment properly spaced. The owner is an embarrassment.

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