If ever there were a week that was perfectly shiteous, it was last week. Holy Canolli what a trainwreck.
It opened with me requesting a showing at one of my listings where there is one party adversely holding the other parties essentially for ransom. The great great grandfather built the place in 1918. Somewhere in time another patriarch built out the basement. He was a short guy so it’s not to code height wise. By the time it was all said and done it’s divided into 16ths. One great great grandaughter lives there and the rest of the family just own there share with which they can do nothing. She’s a deadbeat, no one in her family even attempts to work and the place has fallen into disrepair. How bad? The health department would probably consider it uninhabitable if they came out.
The other side has been trying to get her to either buy them out or sell for the last four years. Last year they retained me and an attorney to do that. I’m smart, I took the listing right away to tie up the property. Then the attorney sent the letter. Much crying and gnashing of teeth. They threaten a partition and eviction and she calls an attorney. He makes some threatening phone calls to amongst other people, me. He said I can’t have a listing without the owner’s signature. No, dumb ass. It only takes one party to list that house. It takes all of them to accept the offer, but only one to list it. Sashay your stupid ass back to Bolt Hall and bone up on some real estate lawyer Assclown.
Finally she agrees to let it go on the market. It’s in Oakland and there are a certain sector of buyers who don’t read English and are inherently rude. They go up to the door and ask to see it. Many of them. She freaks out and her husband calls and yells at me. He’s not a party to the transaction and I suggest he STFU. I tell her that the instructions in the MLS are clear. I can’t make people I don’t know act right. I explain to her and the agent who is supposedly helping her that if she doesn’t allow people to show it, they will get substantially less for it. We go from “No Show” to “By appointment only”. I get exactly one guy in to see it. The next time I get a call to see it she has the “flu”. She is also a notorious liar and I don’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth. Her husband calls back and leaves me a message that “They have to be given 24 hour notice.” Not the previous agreement.
On Tuesday I get a message around 5pm that someone wants to show it the next day at 11am. Not 24 hours notice totally but they aren’t tenants, so that law doesn’t apply to them. Her jackass husband calls back and says they can see it at 6pm because 11am is not 24 hours notice. And I had to attend every showing. Actually that was a message. I let him go to voice mail so I can record what they say. Then he does what he does which is to blow up my phone. Eventually I answer and he starts screaming at me. I hang up. He calls back. I pick up. He screams. I hang up.
I get home that night and there is a message from her with a new schedule of when I can show the property. I sit down and write her. I’m done with your bullshit. There will be no schedule. I’m advising the family to proceed with the partition and eviction. And if your jackass husband ever calls me again I’m filing a restraining order against him. I used a lot of better real estate words but the message was clear. OMG I stirred up a hornets nest. No, don’t do that, you can show the house, blah blah blah. She’s really good a moving the goal posts. Just doesn’t understand that I know what the game is. She calls my Team Leader and tells him I won’t return her phone calls. The truth is she never called me.
I suggested that the family offer her $5000 advance on her proceeds to move out. She wants $10,000. It’s her money. I think they should do it, we’ll see where this one goes. That was Tuesday.
Wednesday 5am was Ike. I’m still pretty disturbed about that one. I found Xica dead when I got home one day. Rayette was in deep distress, with end stage kidney disease, and my old vet (who was about 10 minutes away from retirement) told me that if she were his cat, he would let her go. Broderick had gone flat when I got home. That was a no brainer. Toby was in deep distress with lung cancer. Cody went flat in the back yard and I had to carry him in. Beauregard was in deep distress with lung cancer. Ike was different. There was something very seriously wrong with that dog. On Sunday he came into the living room and pissed on a pile of laundry. The back door was open and he could have gone outside so that wasn’t what it was about. I was sitting in a chair in the living room and I yells “No!” He turned and snarled and snapped at me. He’d done the same thing three days earlier in the entry way. He scared me and I picked up a babygate to keep him away from me. He’d lost weight. His wobblers was progressing. There was something bad going on with him but quite honestly I didn’t know what it was. I was planning on doing a blood test for cancer, I thought he had cancer, but I didn’t have time to get it done. Do I stitch his face up to find out he has cancer? Do I test for cancer before stitching up his ear? Do I have an X-Ray? What do I X-Ray? His head where I think the cancer either began or spread to? Or his mid-section that has a palpitable mass? Do we glue him together and wait to see what happens? Will he live through the surgery? Are we just going to end up in the same place at the end of the day? He pushed the envelope Wednesday morning and left me with really crappy options.
Wednesday afternoon the listing agent calls me on one of my deals. We were skirting around the edge of what we should be doing to get my buyers this house. It was a short sale and the sellers were going to removed the interior doors which were custom built for the house and quite expensive. We had agreed to give them $2100 for the doors if they just left them in place. We were not going to give it to them until I had the keys to the house and they were driving away. The wife, who owned the house because he has all this back child support wanted the check two weeks ago. Not going to happen. I went over there with the listing agent to try and resolve the situation. The husband was reasonable but when the wife came out she was out of her mind. I said “can we sit down for a minute” and the crazy bitch shoved me. Seriously. She put her hands on me like that. I did not drop her. On behalf of my buyers who are a nice young couple with a baby, I write a very thoughtful letter explaining why we can’t do what she wants but explaining that we do understand her frustration and we have no desire to screw her.
Yesterday she said she was going to cancel the deal if we didn’t give her the check. I gave it to the listing agent with instructions that it was not to be released without written instructions from me. Now this is all dangerous because there are supposed to be no payments outside of the HUD. We dealt with this by calling it a purchase of personal property and used a bill of sale. Yesterday afternoon this crazy bitch called the title company and told them to cancel the transaction.
When the title company called me I told them it was fine but I was filing an assault complaint and my clients were suing her for specific performance. I didn’t mention but hopefully the listing agent told her that because we had provided a ready willing and able buyer she is also liable for our commissions. They are leaving the state for Idaho. I have a certain opinion of people who leave California for Idaho. Unless you’re going to Coeur d’Alene. They aren’t. Normally you wouldn’t want to sue someone staying in the community for your commission. With these idiots, game on.
On Wednesday I got a call on a contract I wrote verbally accepting it. We wrote full price asked for nothing back. FHA. The seller is elderly and apparently has a daughter who is a mortgage broker in some godforsaken hellhole in Tehama County. So she knows more than us about Bay Area real estate. She just countered us $25k over asking. The listing agent is very good and she said “just hang in there, I’ll get this worked out.”
I call my inspection company that I’ve used for the last three years to reschedule the inspection. There’s a 25% short notice rescheduling fee. I plead, this is something I couldn’t control, I just found out about it. Nope, it’s $136 to reschedule. Well we aren’t going to inspect a property that I don’t know if my guy is going to get it or not. Can’t do anything about it. I’ve been using you guys exclusively for three years, this is what I get? I’m sorry. Yeah, you will be.
Late last night I got an email that they were waiving the fee. Good move. Otherwise it would have been the last $136 they ever received from me or any of my clients.
In the middle of all that I closed two escrows. How was your week?