Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

It goes boom!

My goodness, where to start on something like this? I would say something like I told you so, but that would be smug. How long do you think this can go on with exploding flower pots? I wonder what kind of stomach Santa Ana’s has for dead people.

Say cheese

At what point does the bullshit stop? This is enough to make my head blow up. And y’all think this makes you closer to God? Bet not. As a matter of fact, I think it puts you out with the moneychangers. Wonder what was on the note McSame stuck between the Stilton and the Gruyere.

La porte s’il vous plaît

I hope I’m not the canary in the pile of cow crap crowing, but I think I finally got the damned French Door fixed. I was afraid to start this part of the project because if I blew it the house would be wide open and I would be heading off to work. So since that nasty having to go to work problem has been solved, I thought I’d dicker with the door today. It didn’t start off properly. I had the wrong sized screws. I took the hinge off and went down to the hardware store and got the right sized screws. The contractor who was helping me called back after the last debacle and said “try chiseling out some wood from under the top hinge and then get some longer screws and pull it right into the house”. I did and it worked. I’m going to install the dead bolt finally…if some cow doesn’t come along and crap on my head.

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Li’l Miss Pissypants

My unemployment has been a boon to the little red dog. She went from spending eleven hours a day by herself to have me up her ass home more often than not. Before, she would piss in my dining room easily every other day. If it was cool enough to crate her, she’d even piss in her crate. She knew she wasn’t supposed to, I guess she just couldn’t help herself. Sometimes it would be when I went to the gym and then she’d be fine while I was at work. I really think she would get too fired up with squirrel tv and try and mark the dining room as hers. Now, I’m wearing her out. When I come home I find her asleep. As a matter of fact, if I can’t find her at all, she’s probably asleep in the yard, on the couch or in my bed. All are acceptable sleeping spots. I took her for her walk around 10am this morning. I was running a little late as I was busy doing behind the scenes work on this page and my other website. I got to the gym around 8:30 and her walk ended up around 10am. What I noticed was this little dog is walking perfectly at heel. She sits perfectly and she’s even learned the turns she has to do for the Obedience Ring. She’s got the worst down in the whole world.

Down!
Really?
Down!
Really?
Down!
Are you sure you want me to down? I know you’ve said it three times now, but before I lay down, I really want to be sure that’s what you want.
Rita! Lay the hell down!
OK, I’m going to lay down.

I’ve been taking her with me more places trying to get her more socialized. She’s doing great. The hardware store is a favorite adventure. She stands quietly while I pick out what I need, she’s kind to children and doesn’t jump up on the counter for treats like every other dog I’ve owned. I can’t wait to get her into the Novice 1 class in September.