You eat white toast

It’s Guy Fawkes Day.  How appropriate.  He was originally seen as a terrorist but in more recent times has been regarded at a freedom fighter.  The stylized version of the Guy Fawkes mask appeared in V for Vendetta and those are the masks that Anonymous and now the OWS protestors have been using.  I just wish they weren’t made in China.  Seriously, that’s where they are made.  Come on Anonymous, get that one right please.  (On a side note, this could have been interesting)

The thing with the OWS folks is it sometimes take a few minutes to figure it out.  The real protestors are pretty smart.  (I do not support the rent-a-mob anarchist asshats)  Originally I thought “What’s the point of shutting down the port.  All that does is put the longshoremen out of work.”  There’s your real tea party cupcake.  They were stopping foreign goods from coming onto US soil.  Not that it worked, it was all symbolic but it took a while to figure that one out.  Now if they could get their Guy Fawkes masks made in the USA we’d be on to something.  How about somebody here manufacturing the Guy Fawkes masks?  There’s a start.

It’s hard to figure the whole thing out listening to the news.  The sound bytes we’re used to don’t tell the story at all.  I think this whole situation is shining God’s flashlight down on the media.  The same media I’ve been beating on for a long time, for different reasons than the Koch brothers’ chambermaids.

I kind of wish I thought of that one.  Or could draw.  Actually I might be able to draw if I started again.  Focus.

The point is that if you are getting your news from godforbid Fox or really any of the main stream outlets, you aren’t getting the real story.  At all.  Because if it bleeds, it leads.  I should have a new category at PBE.  Maybe it’s “if it bleeds it leads” or “The bubbleheaded blonde”.   Once you get past the traffic report, there is really no reason for televised news any more.  They never get the story right.  It’s all about marketing and who can sell the most soap bubbles and soda pop.  Who cares?

You are the 99%.  These guys don’t want socialism, they want equality.  And isn’t that what this country is about?

Because a Cory Smoot video was much more offensive than an Andy Rooney video.  Rest in peace.


Some folks are born made to wave the flag

“The civil rights movement was a few years in front of me. I was too young to participate when they first started the freedom rides and the sit-ins. So on a day-to-day basis, it didn’t have an impact. I just kept going to school, doing what I was supposed to do, and stayed out of trouble. I didn’t go downtown and try to participate in sit-ins. Counter to our real feelings we decided to avoid trouble by moving to the back of the bus when the driver told us to. Dad always said, ‘stay out of trouble,’ and we did.” `Herman Cain

Perhaps he should have named his book “From the Big House to the White House”.  It’s catchy, you’ve got to give me that.  But that’s actually not to subject today.  The juxtaposition, that’s the story here.

Lots of African Americans did not join that fight on the street.  Lots of like thinking white Americans did not join that fight on the street.  It takes a special person to go out there, risk arrest, injury and even death to fight for the rights of the rest of us.  ACT-UP used to make me cringe, but they fought a fight that needed to be fought.  At the time we had a President who had never uttered the term “AIDS” in public, while Americans died.  I hated ACT-UP’s tactics and did not participate even though I had friends who were dying and they were fighting for people I cared about.  There was a rag tag element to those protests, but they were right.  They were as right as the anti-war protestors of the 60’s.  (not the ones screaming “baby killer” at our returning soldiers, those guys were wrong) They were as right as the Civil Rights protestors of the 60’s.  They were as right as the original tea party.  (I’m sure those guys in Bostom harbor spelled their signs correctly)  And they were as right as the Occupy Wall Street protestors are today.

They are fighting a fight that needs to be fought for America.  Here’s a good reason why.

That’s a Gallup question asked to Chinese and American families.  19% of American families are what they call “food insecure”.  That is, they don’t know where their next meal might come from.  Now I could go on about how the only thing they can afford is cheap ass fast food that is full of hormones and antibiotics and wood.  And how that might make them fat and sick.  And how that might put a strain on the health care system, because they probably don’t have insurance either.  But that would take money out of the pockets of billionaires and we wouldn’t want to do that.  Because this is America.  Which right now looks a lot like Rome.  Fixin’ to burn.

But really today I wanted to draw the parallel with those who fight for us in the streets and those of us who sit in our comfy homes and “stay out of trouble”.  Time magazine just did a poll that said that 54% of America supported the Occupy Wall Street protestors.  That’s pretty decent support in a divided country.  There’s this weird little phenomenon where they are finding that the Occupy Wall Street guys are spelling the words on their signs properly, a feat that has consistently eluded the Teabaggers.


I wonder why the Teabag protestors are referred to as “Americans” by Faux News and the Occupy Wall Street guys are referred to as “dirty hippies”.   That’s not “fair” or “balanced” you asshats.

I support Occupy Wall Street.  They have finally gotten to the root of the problem and they are pointing the finger at the Emperor.  And he wears no clothes.

As for Herman Cain, he’s just a House Negro.  His 15 minutes is going to be up pretty quickly here.

Well it reminds me of the menu at a holiday inn

There’s been lots of rumbling about Bank of America failing.  I say let’em.  Any bank that can’t run their business needs to circle the drain like everyone else.  Nobody is going to bail my ass out if I don’t make it.  There are times when it’s pretty tenacious around here, like right now.  The fact that some bastard sitting back in North Carolina is going to get to keep his job because my tax dollars were taken to save their butts infuriates me.  I’d like to see US Bank fail right now too.  For a different reason.  Let’s start with BofA.

I have a client who lost his job in 2008.  He isn’t particularly skilled labor, but he’s a good man who loves his family and has worked hard every day of his life up until that day in 2008.  He has spent the last three years trying to get back to work.  His wife’s income is all they have.  It wasn’t enough.  They wiped out their savings, went bankrupt, lost it all, couldn’t pay the house note any more, asked the bank for a modification, which was refused and here we are.  I take the listing and take an offer on the house in about 3 weeks.

I call Bank of America when I take the listing and tell them their borrower needs to short sale.  They say “Initiate it in Equator”.  I do.  Crickets.  In Equator they task to the broker each new task.  Essentially after the 3rd party authorization is uploaded they task back “Upload the RMA”.  The RMA is the Request for Mortgage Assistance.  About three weeks later I call and they say “Oh we aren’t doing this one it’s REDC, you need to fax everything in.”  About that time get call, a package has arrived at my clients house.  I go out there and there’s the RMA.   We follow every instruction to a T.  The letter is on BofA stationary.  I fax it in and crickets.  Apparently they want more stuff but they never tell me.  It’s a secret.  I call back and they call it a “Deed in Lieu of Foreclosure”, I say “No, this is a short sale”.  Now they tell me that in spite of the Request for Mortgage Assistance, the signed listing agreement and the signed offer, my client has to call REDC on the freaking phone and request a short sale.  I have my guy make that phone call last Thursday.  Yesterday I call and they tell me that he called at 6:39am that morning and requested a deed in lieu.


Excuse me?

I said Bullshit you stupid little chippy.

Yep, I’m talking to another Tiffany.  This whole process you talk to either Tiffany, Brittany or Sheniqua.  Or maybe Clinque.  More likely than not, no one old enough to drink legally.  My terminally unemployed guy did not get up at 6:39 in the morning and call you idiots.  My guy calls back and argues with them to get the short sale.  Seriously.  His life is a mess, at least he might be able to get back on track in 3-4 years with a short sale.  It’s a non-recourse loan.  It’s not June 2012, he has a chance.  A deed in lieu is going to jack him up for seven more years.  The tax consequences should be non-existent for this guy either way, so let’s get him on with his life with the least amount of damage possible.  Trust me, I don’t short sale if they want to stay and a modification makes sense.  And I don’t short sale if they should be walking away.  And I don’t tell them to walk away with out telling them to talk to an attorney.   Hopefully, he got through their thick ignorant heads yesterday and we can proceed with short selling his home.  It should not be this hard.  Or this ridiculous.

Now on to US Bank.  Assholes.  This one’s personal.  I used to maintain my business accounts with them.  My patience was thinning.  It worked when I was at the other brokerage because he paid me out of his account which was with US Bank.  When I went to the Cult of Red, we get paid directly by the escrow company.  I get checks from Wells Fargo, Bank of New York in Los Angeles (thanks Fidelity, you idiots), Bank of America, and CoAmerica.  Probably some others, but I don’t know what.  US Bank puts a 10 day hold on any check drawn on any bank over $5000.  Most commission checks are over $5000.  They tell me some convoluted story but I know goddamn good and well they collect all of these banks the next day.  And then they charge me $33 for every item that goes through before they release their bullshit hold.   Last month they took $330 from me for that.

Last week, Norman clocked me in the eyeball.  I bent over to get a foxtail out of the water bowl and he raised up to see me.  He just about dropped me.  He did not hit my face, he only hit the eyeball.  Let me tell you, that hurts like a mofo.  My vision was screwed up, I was seeing swords of light and floaters.  For the first time in four years I had to go to Kaiser.  I’ve been paying for it every month and never had to use it until last Tuesday.  There is a co-pay of $100.  As I pay them on my business card, I know I need to move money.  It was August 30.  I sit down in the waiting room, log on to US Bank on my phone like I’d done many times before and move Septembers pay from the savings into the checking account so I can pay myself.  Paying myself involves writing a check off of US Bank to my personal account at WFB.  The next day I write a check to myself and deposit it into my WFB account.  On Friday I go to buy groceries and can’t get any love on the WFB card.  Strange.  I use the US Bank card and it works.  I figure the check just didn’t clear right way, I used the ATM after all.  Yesterday I get a letter from WFB that there is a problem with the check.  I go back and look on the US Bank side and the original transfer never occurred!  There’s another $297 worth of bounce charges and over $5000 sitting in the freaking savings account!

I call them and tell them what happened and they say “Well, we don’t see any transfer”.  No shit.  “We can’t refund you the fees if we can’t see where you logged in”.  Listen you ignorant little bit of parrot droppings, if your computer saw the transaction it would have moved it and we wouldn’t be talking.  The goddamn thing didn’t go through properly.  “We aren’t going to refund you the fees.”  Look you jackass, why in the world would I leave over $5000 in the savings account and write a bunch of bad checks?  Why would I do that?  “I don’t know why you would do that.  I’m not you.”  Let me help you out.  I wouldn’t do that, your system screwed up.

Last night I went into my local branch of US Bank and ended our relationship.  I asked the very nice teller (my local branch isn’t stupid like the branch I opened the account with) Would you pay $300 a month to do business with this bank?  She wouldn’t.  I told her “That’s like a car payment to have a checking account with you guys.  Does that sound appropriate?”  No.  She got it.  They know me there.  I could tell by the look on her face she was horrified by the story I was telling her.  I didn’t beat on her, it wasn’t her fault.  She just needed to know that the back office did the wrong thing and her bank not only lost a customer, but pissed somebody off really badly.  We all know a happy customer tells three people, a pissed off customer tells ten or worse yet, blogs about it.

So now I’m about a rat’s ass hair away from burying my commission checks in a coffee can in the back yard and building a bunch of hillbilly booby traps around here.  I promise you my Senators and my Congressman (I’m in John Garamendi’s world) will know that I vehemently oppose helping out any more bankers.  They’re what’s wrong with America.  They are the assholes that want no government regulation, that comes with no governmental bailout.  Here’s a new script for you jackasses in your future work environment “Would you like fries with that?”

Who do you think you’re fooling?

We’re heading into another political season, as if we ever got out of the last one.

Like most of the country, I am outraged by what’s going on, or perhaps what’s not going on in Congress.  I am disgusted by how stupid we’ve become.  And I am mad as hell.

Are you getting tomorrow off?  Great.  THANK THE UNIONS.

From the Department of Labor’s website:

Labor Day: How it Came About; What it Means

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Founder of Labor Day

More than 100 years after the first Labor Day observance, there is still some doubt as to who first proposed the holiday for workers.

Some records show that Peter J. McGuire, general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners and a cofounder of the American Federation of Labor, was first in suggesting a day to honor those “who from rude nature have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold.”

But Peter McGuire’s place in Labor Day history has not gone unchallenged. Many believe that Matthew Maguire, a machinist, not Peter McGuire, founded the holiday. Recent research seems to support the contention that Matthew Maguire, later the secretary of Local 344 of the International Association of Machinists in Paterson, N.J., proposed the holiday in 1882 while serving as secretary of the Central Labor Union in New York. What is clear is that the Central Labor Union adopted a Labor Day proposal and appointed a committee to plan a demonstration and picnic.

The First Labor Day

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union. The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on September 5, 1883.

In 1884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday, as originally proposed, and the Central Labor Union urged similar organizations in other cities to follow the example of New York and celebrate a “workingmen’s holiday” on that date. The idea spread with the growth of labor organizations, and in 1885 Labor Day was celebrated in many industrial centers of the country.

Here are some words that the right wing have used to promote hate.  I’ve had it.  When you see these words, know that they are words of hate.

  1. Lawyers -Yep, back when George H.W. Bush was running for first Vice-President and then President, he blamed the problems of this country on the lawyers.  I call bullshit.  Lawyers were the first of the current boogie men.  They practice law.  They are the ones that should be in Washington writing laws.  Not the clowns that are currently writing laws.  Lawyering is an honorable profession, there are dishonest ones, that’s for sure, but there are dishonest politicians too so GHWB had no right to single out the lawyers.  And this country was stupid for believing him.
  2. Academia -Yeah, pick on the smart guys.  Also a GHWB tactic.  Maybe he was just grooming his idiot son for the Presidency.  Without academia we wouldn’t have the medical breakthroughs we have now.  If you’re sick, really sick, you want to be at a university hospital.  That’s where the best of the best and the brightest of the bright reside.  George W. Bush would never be found there.  Nor would Dan Quayle.  Seeing a pattern yet?
  3. Cultural Elite -What does that mean?  Andy Warhol?  Diane von Fürstenberg?  Doris Duke?  What did that mean, but it caught on.
  4. Liberal Media -First, I don’t know when liberal got to be a dirty word.  It’s not.  Once upon the time before a bunch of corporate marketers changed the way that news was delivered we used to be able to trust the information.  Now it’s all about the bubbleheaded blonde that comes on at 6.  And selling soap bubbles.  And market share.  I will never forgive Dan Rather for announcing James Brady’s death.  But, I’ll take the Liberal Media every day of the week over Faux News.  They’ve been proven to be criminals by Scotland Yard, why do we still watch them in America?  Why do we believe a single word they say?  If you haven’t seen Outfoxed, go rent it.  Nuff said.
  5. Moral Majority -It wasn’t moral or the majority but they kept repeating it as if it were true.  I could do a subsection on these asshats.  Pat Robertson blaming New Orleans for Katrina or Haiti for the earthquake.  Michelle Bachmann just mused if the earthquake and Irene were God’s way of signaling Congress that they weren’t doing what she thought they should.  Or how about their preachers going down, literally, one after another for, let’s see, hookers, homo hookers, meth, illicit affairs and Godonlyknows what else.  Shall we take a moment to talk about Congressional morality?  Thought not.  Not moral.  Not the majority.
  6. Unions -Yeah, the guys who stopped child labor, forced a livable wage, job stability, health and safety standards.  Yeah, the Union is the bad guy if your the corporation.  If you’re the worker, they’re the good guy.  Stupid.
  7. Tyranny -Obama is not Ghaddafi.  Ghaddafi was tyranny.  Saddam Hussein was tyranny.  Obama is the President.  Congress, is just as stupid as the people who elected them.  That’s not tyranny either.  King George III?  Tyrannical.  An elected President?  No.
  8. Freedom -Like you can’t do what you want to within reason in this country.  Don’t be an asshat and you have more freedom than any other country.  You have the freedom to be a total douche and vote consistently against your own interest.  Ain’t America grand?
  9. Special Rights -They are only special when they aren’t afforded the entire constituency.  Once that happens, they become special from subtractions not addition.  If it’s 1850 and a slave wants to be free that’s a special right.  Because his right to be free has been subtracted.  See how that works?  But you don’t learn what it means because you have a half assed American education and you buy into that rhetorical horse crap.  The right to marry is only a special right because it’s been taken away.
  10. Elite <add your slur here> -You aren’t elite so it’s ok to hate “the Elite” whoever they are.  Here’s a news flash Senators are elite.  There’s 100 of them.  Congress is elite.  There’s only 435 of them.  Governors are elite.  There’s 50 of them.  You and me?  We aren’t elite.  We’re just schmucks working a job.

There will be a ton more in this new election cycle.  Know them.  Reject them.

It’s all Reagan’s fault

We have a guest blogger this morning.  Actually, he’s never heard of Pink Bunny Ears.  Maybe his people will tell him about our little thing. I don’t always agree with this guy’s spin on things, but sometimes he nails it.

There’s a catagory here called “It’s all Reagan’s fault”.  That’s because it is.

Here it’s all laid out sucinctly and properly.  And he’s right.  He should have entitled it “It’s all Reagan’s fault.”

Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign

We’re back on the subject of customer service.  Because in this country it’s a lost art.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that I’ve been going to Toastmasters for the last year.  Maybe I did.  My Dad was a toastmaster.  My Aunt was a Toastmistress back before 1973 when they officially brought women into Toastmasters.

Everybody talks about, or more importantly, pays lipservice to the Nordstrom customer service dictum.  Few come close to it in practice.  One of the gals in my club is a relationship manager for Nordstom here.  She’s been with the company for 17 years having started out as a cashier.  She knows the Nordstrom principles.  On Monday she talked about how they were applied in her store.  She read a letter from a customer who had a minor fire and lost five garmets she had just purchased. Nordstrom replaced all five, way more than the woman was expecting.  That’s customer service.

Today’s whipping boy is Wells Fargo.  I have a short sale about to close.  Up until yesterday, they had been stellar.  Yesterday they lost me.  I have a cash deal on a little condo.  When we started the condo had the trifecta going for it. A construction defect lawsuit, the HOA dues had a delinquency rate over 15% and the owner occupancy rate was off, making it almost impossible to finance.  By the time I sold it, the FHA approval on the complex had also expired.  After four months on the market, I had exactly one offer.  Luckily, unlike other agents, I price my shorts sales at the median for the market for that property and then slash the price every 10-14 days.  So when the bank came back and countered the buyer on this little piece of shit condo I was able to say “Hey, I tried that price and it didn’t sell, here’s a copy of the MLS history.”  I had my approval in two hours.  Then the games began.

My homeowner hadn’t paid her dues even though I told her to.  That resulted in us having to go to a collections company to get the demand for the HOA dues.  We had a 10 day escrow.  I called the collection company only to be told that I couldn’t talk to anyone that they had 10 days to get us the demand and that was that.  I could pay an extra $75 to get my deal expedited but otherwise it would just work through the system.  I called and badgered and did my social engineering thing and was still unable to crack them.  “I’m sorry you feel that way, but it’s our policy….”  Quit saying you’re sorry.  You aren’t your just reading a freaking script you’re a trained monkey.

Finally at 4:45 last Friday night they send the demand.  In defense of this escrow officer who I did not pick, she turned the HUD around in 15 minutes.  I tracked down my seller over the weekend and we had the HUD back over to the bank by 8:30 Monday morning.  Except my closer is on vacation.  Her email informs me that her email is being monitored, but gives me no hope as to who might be able to help me.  I call the 800 number on the bottom of her email and am told that they have 24-48 hours to approve the final HUD.  OK, I’ll be patient.  Until around 3pm when I call again.  Has anybody checked it?  Oh we have it but we have 24-48 hours to review it.  Is there anyone I can talk to?  Let me try your closer.  My closer is on vacation.  Nothing.

First thing Tuesday morning I’m on the phone.  Same shit.  Different day.  Then around 1pm I come up with a new tack.  If they approve this right now, it will record Wednesday morning and the bank will be paid off on Wednesday via wire.  If not, it won’t be approved until Wednesday and won’t be recorded until Thursday.  They can actually gain a day’s interest by reacting a little faster.  This guy gets it, but is unable to find anyone to answer a phone call.  He forwards my request to a manager.  3pm nothing from the bank yet, I call back again.  You have to know that these are call centers and under no circumstances are they allowed to actually solve a problem.  And that’s a pathetic failure of customer service.

I call back again at 3pm.  This is the money call.  This trained monkey tells me that they have 24-48 business hours to respond.  BUSINESS HOURS? I bellow.  What the hell is that?  She repeats that they have 24-48 business hours to respond.  I can’t believe this stupid shit just said that twice.  And I tell her so.  There is no such goddamn thing as business hours you ignorant barely trained monkey.  “I’m sorry you feel that way.”  NO YOU AREN”T.  You are reading a goddamned script and you could give a damn how I feel.  Then she proceeds to tell me that HUD has to approve my HUD.  Are you freaking kidding me?  HUD doesn’t approve HUDs.  It’s a freaking government form.  Wells Fargo, the morons that hired your stupid ass away from the porn call center where you used to work approves the HUD.  Escalate this call.  I can’t.  You can’t or you won’t?  I can’t.  Do you have a freaking manager?  No.  What?  No.  So you come to work whenever you feel like it and leave whenever you feel like it and they pay you whatever you want because there is no manager in place?  No.  Then let me talk to the person who makes those decisions for you.  One moment please, is there anything else I can do to help you today?  You haven’t done a goddamn thing to help me today so don’t pretend like you have any use in this situation, you don’t.  I’m sorry you feel that way.  Holy shit.

The sixth call to the same number failed to yield anything of use.  In another 75 minutes it will be 48 hours, not 48 business hours since I sent the final HUD to Wells Fargo, we’ll see what happens next.


So I want to write my words on the face of today

I don’t know why anyone in this country is buying Mitch O’Connell’s bullshit.

Say, hypothetically, I’m a title company employee.  I lose my high paying job in October of 2006.  I’m out of work for 5 months, then I get another job at a fraction of what I was making.  I work there for almost two years before I lose my job again.  I have to start my own business because I can’t get work.  That works fine for the first 18 months and then I have to start my business again.  All the while my income spirals downward.

While this is occuring I cut costs.   I quit going out to eat.  I stop buying wine.  I brown bag it.  I grow my own vegetables and make my own bread.  I cut out cable television, I cut back on leaving lights on, running things when I’m not there, cut energy cost I can.  I get the stripped down garbage service.  I renegotiate all of my insurance.  I drop a bank account that’s costing me money. 

Not one of those things solves all of my problem, but the cummulative effect of doing all of those things eases the issue.

So how on God’s green earth are we suppose to reconcile the Mitch O’Connell’s argument that taxing the richest 2% of Americans at the same rate as, say every other one of us, shouldn’t be done because iti doesn’t make that much difference in solving the deficiet?  Is anybody listening to these assklowns?  That is the stupidest argument I have ever heard.  How about I keep my cable and showtime and Home Box and all that other shit because it won’t make that much difference in solving my defecit problem.  America, are you listening?  This is utter bullshit.  Warren Buffet, Paris Hilton, Steve Jobs, Barbra Streisand can all afford it.  Shameful.  Maybe this is a little insight to what really matters to these guys. 

Here’s the deal, Obama’s incoming money is off the hook right now.  He had 170,000 individual contributers by this time in 2007.  He has 550,000 now.  He is crushing all the Republican opponents right now.  From what I see, only one is qualified to run the country and the GOP won’t pick Mitt Romney.   That’s too bad.  We will save Michelle Bachman for another day.

Here’s my solution, re-write that tax code.  POS taxation.  That’s it.  You can have it, you can earn it, you can keep it.  Spend it and you pay for taxes.  I suppose that will send some people up to Montana to build a Ted Kascynski unibomber cabin, but not too many.  We’re Americans.  We’re lazy.

‘Cause when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door

Life is never boring here at the Farm.

About a month ago, before the Ride, I had a mouse.  He was in the pantry and wreaking havoc.  He chewed the bottom off of several bags of flour, not funny.  Crapped on everything and generally made a mess.  I set traps.  Numerous traps.  I never caught him.  Auntie stayed here with the Hellhoundz while I was riding and the fact that the mouse wasn’t caught prior to her arrival weighed heavy on me as I left that morning.  I told her I thought he was gone, it was the truth.  He hadn’t gotten into anything in several days including me peanut butter laden traps.  I was right.  He was gone.

I don’t know if he got stuck and couldn’t get out or became a conductor for that 220 line running down there.  He was done.  That is the back of the pantry.  About two years ago I had air conditioning installed here.  The electrical box is in the pantry.  The guys didn’t fix the holes they cut in the walls and I just haven’t gotten to them.  I put on some gloves but only got half of the mouse.  He was either crispy crittered or petrified.  If it’s the former, I need to have an electrician fix the bite marks in the 220.  And half of the mouse is still in that hole.  Maybe he was too fat from eating my flour and rice to get through the hole.  Who knows?

I threatened my last remaining apricot tree.  It bore no fruit last year.  One tree fell, another was riddled with termites and this one has been fighting for it’s life.  I told it that if it didn’t bear fruit this year it was firewood.  It is currently full of fruit.  This picture doesn’t do it justice.  Those apricots are not green, it’s the kitchen light that did that.  It could be a very good year for apricots.  In other news I made a little discovery that I’ll be using in the very near future.

The interesting thing about Bubba is that he doesn’t hold a grudge.  He doesn’t seem to care who he mixed it up with.  He’s fine with Norman again.  Ike on the other hand thought it was a good idea to mix it up with Norman on Saturday too.  Ike’s ear is cut.  Norman is fine.  Ike has this not great thing that he’s developed that involves snarling and occasionally snapping at me.  I was trying to put Norman in his crate and Ike stood in the kitchen snarling and wouldn’t let us through.  I tried to move him to the side and he snapped at me.  I’ve done things to curtail this but he’s had a couple of episodes, this is the only one involving another dog.  I’m taking him in next week for some acupuncture.  My theory is that he’s in pain and grouchy.  If this doesn’t settle it down I’m afraid I’m going to have to let Ike go.  I can’t be afraid of one of my own dogs.  It may be that the pain has gotten too much for him and it’s time to let him go anyway.  I’ll find out next week, but last Saturday was a little unnerving.

This real estate thing is interesting.  If you work hard, you get deals.  The deals might give you a lot of adjida, but I’d rather have adjida and make money than just have adjida.  July could be very decent to me, good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.

Which gets us to my next subject.  What have we done in this country where it has become acceptable to do a shitty job?  I’ve got a 10 day escrow, I got bank approval on July 5.  The escrow company didn’t ask for the demand from the HOA until July 7.  The HOA’s are in default too and sent out to collections.  The freaking deadbeat collection company refuses to send a demand any faster than 10 days because that’s how many days they have under law.  Escrow should be closing on July 15, could be closing today, but may be delayed until July 22 just because of the collections company.  And I called them and they refused to do any better without an additional $75.  My father used to mock these sort of paper pushing asshats.  I can see him acting that out in my head when I have to deal with incompetence like this.  All I have to say about them is what a bunch of parasites!

I’ve got another deal where I called the HOA three times yesterday and never got a return phone call.  All I want to know is what’s covered by the HOA’s insurance and what kind of policy does my buyer need to purchase.  It ain’t rocket science.  No one bothered to return my phone call.  I return all phone calls within a maximum of 8 hours.  During business hours a maximum of 2 hours.  It’s my personal standard.  Most calls are returned with about 15 minutes, some before a voicemail is left.  The goal is concierge service.  There are people in this business that have yet to return a phone call to me.  There is one big REO guy who I had an entire escrow with and never talked to the arrogant sonofabitch.  His “assistant/mistress” didn’t return phone calls either.  Just for the record, dude, I know your license is restricted.  I don’t remember what you did but eventually I will.  There’s a good chance that information will appear here.  You really need to treat your colleagues with more respect.

And finally, why do dogs fart and then look at their asses as if to say “What’s that noise?”

Let freedom ring, let the white doves sing


Yeah, like that.  OK I have a nomination for the worst person in the world today.  Not that today is worse than any other day, this woman is despicable every day of her miserable existence.  Like Jerry Falwell before her, I will not say “rest in peace” upon her passing, I will sing “ding dong the witch is dead.”  Because just because you can say something, doesn’t mean you should.  She’s nothing more than the lobster boy at the carnival.   We need to turn the video camera off.

Video Here

And I will not apologize for that. This woman is insane and the fact that anyone listens to her is an abomination. And you are not allowed to use the word “gaga” again. Ever.

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake

Well, I’m still here.  Guess that rapture gig didn’t work out so good for Mr. Camping.  You gots a lot of splaining to do Lucy.  Let’s start with a few random Bible quotes.  Matthew 7:15. I don’t know what this New International Version is…let’s go with King James.

15Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Now a little twist to the New International Version:

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

It’s those damned evildoers again.  Hmmm.  Wonder why GWB got that shit? Checking in with 1 Thessalonians 5:2

1 Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2 for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3 While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

Harold, let me help you out on this one.  It means when the Lord comes back, he’s not getting some poor shmuck to spend his $140,000 retirement to put up billboards for you.  There were an unbelievable 5500 billboards around the world proclaiming yesterday Judgment Day.  God doesn’t care about all your billboards along the I-80.  He does care about all of his creatures and killing them because you drank Harold’s Kool-Aid.  Bill, that’s a good way to get turned away, if you really read the good book and knew what it said.

Frankly the whole thing reminded me of Jonestown, home of the original Kool-Aid.  Jim Jones had the date wrong too and while his followers were true believers, when a charleton’s world come crashing down on them, deperate things happen.  Has anybody heard from Harold?  I mean the guy is 89 years old, that much stress and he might have met his maker last night at 6pm.  His own personal rapture.  The website has been crashed out for a couple of days.  Maybe that’s what he meant.  Lucky we have Cultwatch to help us out.  Here is their advice to Harold’s now left behind followers:

  1. Be prepared to accept that you are wrong. Many others have claimed to know the end of the world before now, and obviously they were wrong. They too misinterpreted Scripture, so if the rapture does not occur on the 21st of May 2011 then you will have joined their ranks. This will be a blow to your ego and some will find this failure very emotional. The best course of action is to prepare to be humble.
  2. Don’t let this failure destroy your faith. The Bible was not wrong, you just interpreted it incorrectly. Harold Camping and his complex string of assumptions and fact fiddling has failed you, God’s Word has not failed you.
  3. If you are not raptured on the 21st of May 2011, don’t panic. It is not because you are a bad Christian, it is because the date is wrong. You’ll find it hard to believe that something you held with such ardor and faith is erroneous, and so you will be prone to blame yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of self condemnation, read Romans 8:1. Remember also that it will be extremely obvious when Jesus Christ returns, like lightning across the whole sky, there is no chance that anybody will miss it, Luke 17:24.
  4. Before the 21st of May 2011 do not do any of these things: do not sell your house and give the money away, do not stop paying bills, do not say anything you will regret to friends and family, don’t quit your job, don’t leave your loved ones. Don’t do anything that will damage your life if the 21st of May 2011 proves not to be rapture day.
  5. Don’t harm yourself or others. Some people who were convinced the end was coming have committed suicide or even hurt or killed others. We at Cultwatch don’t believe any of Harold Camping’s followers would do this. But understand that this sort of thing has happened before, and so it is prudent to talk about this unlikely possibility. If you think you might react in this way to the failure of the 21st of May 2011 date, then you need to let people know now. Do not be alone on the 21st and 22nd of May 2011. If you think there is any risk of you harming yourself or others, then be bold enough to speak out now.

Yep.  Epic fail.

Well while the rapture was not occurring yesterday I was out turning a century on my trusted steed. I didn’t notice an earthquake or a lightening flash in the sky.


Yep. That’s 100. And then a little bit more. It was a pretty nice ride all and all. I had enough food with me and the SAG guys provided enough water. I had some problems with my feet and I’m going to reassess the settings on the new cleats to be sure they’re set properly on my shoes. My last set simply blew up. Apparently they’re only good for 5000 miles and I think mine did at least that. I’ve been riding on those for three years. They wouldn’t even go back together there were pieces missing.

One of the SAG guys gave me a banana and a ride leader gave me some cramping pills and my feet settled down to finish the ride. The lunch stop was the Jelly Belly Factory. Amazingly I’ve never been there. They were selling unbranded sports beans for 50 cents per bag. I think they helped the cramping in my feet too.

I keep my phone turned off when I’m riding because these smart phones will keep looking for towers while you’re riding. You can never look at a thing, never take a call and be out of power when you get back. I leave it off. Yesterday I fired it up to find I had an “urgent” message. When you have an 83yo mother, urgent messages send a shock through your heart when you see them. I frantically went through all the machinations that Verizon has you do to get your voice mail messages only to find out some bitch that speaks english with a mouth full of marbles was calling on one of my listings. Really? You ignorant slut. That house has been on the market for 280 days. There isn’t a goddamned thing urgent about that house, unless you thought yesterday was Judgment Day.

Yeah, that was a softball.