What it is

There are no words for how pissed I am at the right wing douchebags right now.

Nine church going Americans lie dead and these assholes are deliberately confusing the conversation.  They are doing it because they don’t want to face the fact that we are the only civilized nation that has this kind of gun violence.  The rest of the world is asking what the hell is wrong with us.  And I have to concur.  What the hell is wrong with us?

Rick Perry, total asshat that he is called it “an accident”.  Hey jackass!  Was it an accident the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th time he reloaded?  WTF?  WTF?  Not an accident.  A deliberate act of terrorism against black people.  Period.  It has nothing to do with Christianity.  I has everything to do with hate, racism and guns.  He hated black people.  He was a racist.  He killed them with guns.  Period.  End of story.  Everyone else?  STFU.  Period.

Oh I know, one of Rick Perry’s flying monkeys said he “misspoke”.  Bullshit.  Bullshit.  Did I say flying monkeys?  No, he’s the guy the follows the elephants in the 4th of July parade and scoops up the elephant shit.  That’s who said he misspoke.  Sick of it.

And seriously, what the hell is he talking about?

And Jeb Bush?  Arguably stupider than his idiot brother.  We don’t know if racism motivated white supremacist shooter?  Who we?  You got a turd in your pocket?  Any thinking person knows that a white supremacist is motivated by racism you ass clown!  You, are way too stupid to run this country.  Way too stupid.

Donald Trump.  STFU.  Seriously.  I bought the property from some Chinese guy?  STFU.

Who else?  Who else wants a piece of me this morning?

Until each and every one of us calls out racism, bigotry, sexism, prejudice of every kind when we see it, this nation will not change.  The thing is, it seems to me we are heading back to the 30’s.  At what point do we start segregating buses, lunch counters and water fountains again?  That seems to me to be exactly what Rick Perry, Jeb Bush and Donald Trump want.

The court, I fear, has ventured into a minefield.

Well, we started off last week with the second dumbest decision of the current Supreme Court of the United States.  The dumbest decision was Citizens United and the dumbest of all time remains Dred Scott, although these guys are well on their way to a modern day Dred Scott decision.

These nincompoops are a product of the Great Communicator and the Bushes.  Elect morons to office and they pick morons for the court.  The biggest turd is Scalia, a turd that lies on the doorstep of the Right Wings Great White Hope, Reagan.

SOME HOW, in this country, your religious beliefs now allow you to discriminate against women.  That, friends, is utter bullshit.  It’s utter bullshit for numerous reasons, but the most important reason is that the Bible never, ever, ever instructed it’s believers to be assholes.  Not once.  So this argument and the Catholic church, who with the unholy alliance with the Mormons brought us Prop 8 are now running the country.  Welcome to ‘Merika.

It’s interesting to me that the Catholics who currently sit on the SCOTUS have forgotten that a mere 50 years ago, it was a big question as to whether or not this country would elect that Irish Catholic guy from Massachusetts.  His father never could become President and that was the thing that guy wanted the most.  There is a  cost for forgetting history.  It usually presents itself in the form of extinction. Yet this Court got themselves out on a very slippery slope from which there is no retreat.  And the Catholic Church is spraying the hill down with oil.

My religion doesn’t allow for any science so I won’t provide for any medical insurance at all, nor will I provide sick time, we will just pray over the sick.  My religion says not to associate with gay people so we won’t hire any.  My religion says that anyone with AIDS should not have a job.  My religion says that women should serve their husbands so I won’t hire any.  My religion says women should obey their husbands and never leave the home for anything.  My religion says that people of color are an aberration and must be exterminated.  My religion says that Hitler was right  and all Jews must be killed.  Where the hell does it stop?

Well it appears to stop at my religion sacrifices chickens to the beat of the African drums.  My religion says I eat an ital diet and smoke the ganja.  My religion says I fast for Ramadan and pray five times a day.  That’s where it stops.  And that is utter bullshit.

  • “Approving some religious claims while deeming others unworthy of accommodation could be ‘perceived as favoring one religion over another,’ the very ‘risk the [Constitution’s] Establishment Clause was designed to preclude.” ~Supreme Court Justice Ruth Ginsberg

So get your chicken sacrificing, ganja smoking Allah praying ass in line and bow down to the Knights of Columbus, you’re new god.

You’ve got the brawn, I’ve got the brain

Veteran’s Day.  Seems like a good day to be pissed off about something.

California, the land of fruits and nuts they’ll tell us.  Well, STFU.  California has given more than any other State.  Including the one that still can secede from the Union and none of us would miss.  STFU.

I went to San Francisco three times in the last three days.  Every day you go to San Francisco from East Jesus, you drive by Lafayette.



Photo by Falcorian

I think the number was 6905 on Saturday, the day I took BART in.  It is a poignant reminder of every serviceperson who has given their life in the two wars Bush got us in to.

Yep.  Bush got us in to.  I know some assholes would like to revise history to call these Obama’s wars but they aren’t.  They are Obama’s inherited mess.

Condoleezza Rice: “I believe the title was ‘Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S.'”

Bush: “All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.”

Condoleezza Rice apparently thought that was good enough.  As far as I’m concerned responsibility for all 2996 who died on 9/11 and the 6905 service members who have been killed lies in that conversation.

Hillary Clinton spoke to the National Association of Realtors on Saturday afternoon.  Lots of outrage before the fact by the usual Right Wing asshats and Teabillies.  Half assed news coverage of what really occurred.  And as usual, the real story was ignored.

Mrs. Clinton is the ONLY human being to have served this country as First Lady, US Senator and Secretary of State.  The only one.  Maybe she has something to say?  Some teabilly jackhole popped off on the CAR website with “Who’s going to see “Hillary” this weekend?  Why is she even a speaker to begin with?  What’s that all about?”

Well you ignorant pile of parrot droppings, last year Condoleezza Rice spoke to the National Association of Realtors.  She’s got 10,000 bodies on her resume.  And as much as you idiots try to make something out of Bengazi that isn’t, Mrs. Clinton has none.  BTW, nice job lying on 60 minutes a couple of weeks ago.  And shame on CBS for getting hoodwinked again.  Do you idiots even know what journalism is any more?  How many times has this happened now?  Well, one really big time that ended Dan Rather’s career.  And when was Dan Rather wrong before?  Let’s see…oh yeah, 1981.  Yeah, James Brady is still with us.

Back to Mrs. Clinton.  It gives me hope that people in positions like her think like her.  The crux of her speech was that this country runs best when our middle class is healthy.  Part of that health is home ownership.  She also spoke to how this country runs best from the center, not from the extreme right or left.  And how we needed to put citizenship over partisanship.  She talked about how our standing throughout the world has been hurt by the jackassery (naturally my word not hers) that is occurring in Congress right now.  She talked about meeting with the top Asian leaders while we were screwing around with the fiscal cliff and what that was like.  Basically she said if we want to continue to be the world leader that we should be, we need to stop acting like a bunch of jackasses and take care of our business.  She’s right.  She pointed out how embarrassing it was that our President could not fly to Asia for a meeting of the heads of state because our government was shut down.  They stupid shit hurts us.  All of us.

I can only hope that the mid-terms bring a wave of discontent that washes us free of the teabillies.  And John Boehner.  I’ve had it with that guy.  I want to see centralists in there and I want our government doing what we pay them to do.

Interestingly I heard a guy say last night that Obama wasn’t business friendly.  Seriously?  Have you looked at the stock market?  The guy who isn’t business friendly is Bush.  This business friendly crap is just that.  Business friendly and socially responsible are not mutually exclusive.  Case in point: Howard Schultz.  Exhibit B?  Craig Jelinek.   Both companies pay their employees a living wages and both companies are extremely profitable.  So the Waltons, Mitt Romney and Bain Capital and all you other robber barons can go piss up a rope.  You are aware that as taxpayers we subsidize all their bullshit…right?  When a Walmart employee doesn’t make a living wage and needs SNAP to feed their family, we pay for that.  Yet the Waltons just throw another bucket of money into their treasure chests.  I haven’t been inside a Walmart since Long Beach Mississippi when we got cheap jeans and boots to go into New Orleans after Katrina and you shouldn’t either.

I’m the other white meat known as ‘Kid Funky Fried’

This country has had better weeks.  And few worse.

Oh how we cling to our  guns because they are going to protect us.  No one would be able to hurt us if we all had our assault rifles.  No one would be able to place a bomb at a public event and murder three people and maim hundreds more.  And if they did the gun owners could just mow them down with their awesome firepower.

Yeah.  Didn’t happen.

Well, if those same two shit stains got into a gun fight we could defend ourselves and shoot back and…didn’t happen.

Your “Red Dawn” fantasy is laughable.

~Steve Marmel

Why is no one asking where these shit stains got their weapons?  Eh?  Anyone?  Beuller?

One guy wasn’t a citizen at all and had been checked on by the FBI at the bequest of another nation.  The other held a green card and was 19 years old.  Neither would have passed a background check.  But if you ask the family of Officer Sean Collier or Officer Richard H. Donohue Jr., keeping a gun out of the hands of those two shit stains would have been a good thing.  Wayne LaPierre, once again you have blood on your hands.  Two cops, 20 children, six teachers, 12 movie goers and all the injured.  58 in Aurora alone.  The list goes on and on.

The gun control issue has reached a fevered pitch.  King Obama is going to come and take all of your guns doncha know.  Even though he has done less to restrict our freedoms than he predecessor did.  Habeas corpus was suspended for certain persons under Bush.  Where was the outrage?  The hubbub over the Miranda warning goes back over 40 years.  Not Obama.  Call it the Patriot Act and take a big chunk of our freedoms.  Bush.  Not Obama.  Quite honestly the word “patriot” has been so abused that I look at it the same way I look at “gourmet” and “luxury”.  Hijacked by unscrupulous charlatans and snake oil salesmen for their own diabolical reasons.

All they were trying to pass was a law that required background checks and even that was watered down.  How many more have to die before we figure it out?  Or are we just going to go backwards, eschew civility and revert to the Wild Wild West?   But goddammit we’re free!  Or are we?

We have our guns.  It’s a victory for America.  We won last week when an entire community came under martial law and fought back…oh wait, no they didn’t.  They all went home and stayed there like the police asked them too.   We are free from a paramilitary police force…oh wait, that’s who roamed the streets of Boston, Cambridge and Watertown while the residents stayed inside.


photo via abcnews.com

I really don’t understand why we’re ok with these heavily armed police departments with tanks and everything but goddammit we can’t let the government take our guns.  Here’s an idea.  You think you’re going to pick a fight with the government and live through it because you have an cache of assault weapons?  Your argument is invalid.  They found these little shit stains in four days and took them completely down in a little more than 24 hours, most of which was spent looking for them, while martial law was in effect in an entire community.  You will be toast the minute you think you’re going to raise a weapon to these guys.  They will burn that mutha down.


Speaking of fire…holy crap what the hell happened in Texas last week?

Rick Perry went to Illinois with the Texas is Wide Open for Business campaign.

When you have the kind of tax and regulatory policies in place (that Illinois does) . . . you are enticing businesses to fail.”

~Rick Perry

How’s that working for you Rick?

The last time this plant was checked was in 1985.  Almost 40 years ago.  Amazingly in the last 40 years they apparently stowed a little more ammonium nitrate than they should have.  And then destroyed an entire town.  Don’t have a heart attack in West, Texas.  Most of the firefighters and EMT’s are now dead.  But Texas is Open for business with none of those nasty liberal regulations to hinder the capitalism.  Well played.  That’s why Rick Perry can never advance to the national theater.  Ever.

Foreman says these jobs are going boys and they ain’t coming back to your hometown

OK, maybe the Presidential debate drinking game wasn’t such a great idea.  Or maybe drinking whenever someone said “middle class” was a bad idea.

Not to worry, this morning we have a whole new kettle of fish to shoot in a barrel.  Or rather, binders of women.  What does that mean?

Maybe not that.

Not like that Bubba.  Jeez.  Now Hillary is going to want to…


This morning’s stop over at Politifact.com, they rated most of the debate was at least half or mostly true which is a big improvement.  Romney should not have gone after the Libya thing so hard, he was wrong.  The thing is, to any thinking person, the President can’t come roaring out and rattling swords and be wrong.  They called it terrorism right away but didn’t point to exactly where it came from.  Then Hillary took responsibility for the lapse, whatever that really was, I don’t think there was one.  I think shit happens in hostile environments.  Those guys were stationed in the belly of the beast.  Shit happened and one of our Ambassadors and some of his staff were killed.  It’s an international incident for sure but what would Mittens really do that would be any different?  It’s not like he didn’t piss off England and France in one innocent little trip.  Just think the wonders he could work with Libya with that sort of negotiating skill.  And they got the transcript.  And Obama called it an act of terror the next morning.  Do you think he’s not doing something right now about this?  Ask Osama bin Laden.  Oh, never mind, he sleeps with the fish.

And Hillary.  I don’t think she needed to step up to the plate on that one, but she did.  Was she the sacrificial lamb for the Administration?  Doubtful, she’s too smart for that.  It was probably a miss.  But she stepped right up to the plate just like Condi did after 9/11.  Oh wait a minute!  OK, Obama took responsibility because they all work for him just like Bush did after 9/11.  Oh wait a minute!  To this day neither Bush nor Rice have taken responsibility for their lapses.  Obama’s team didn’t beef up security.  Bush’s team ignored a report that said “OBL determined to attack America”.  Yeah, STFU Mittens.

The only “pants on fire” was the apology tour comment.  Sorry, I think apologizing for this country being a bunch of barbarians is wise.  We have bullied our way through this world for over a hundred years.  We should apologize.  I’m sure the Teabilly Republic doesn’t get that, but if we were better world citizens they wouldn’t be burning effigies of our Presidents, like that have for years.  I can remember that back to Johnson.  Maybe there’s a reason?  Ya think?  Mending fences is not a bad idea Mittens.  Of course he’s a guy who just has his butler call a landscaper to fix his fence… if they didn’t self deport.

Obama’s only outright falsehood was when he said that Romney called the Arizona immigration law a “model for the nation”.  It was out of context.  The Romney quote was “You know, I think you see a model here in Arizona. They passed a law here that says that people who come here and try and find work, that the employer is required to look them up on E-Verify. This E-Verify system allows employers in Arizona to know who’s here legally and who’s not here legally. And as a result of E-Verify being put in place, the number of people in Arizona that are here illegally has dropped by some 14 percent, where the national average has only gone down 7 percent.”  Obama’s factcheckers took the day off after the first sentence.  Fail.

Romney’s thinking is why my old job is being done by some guy named Singh in Bangalore.  I’m sure they are now paying him more than $16 a day.  I know when Fidelity went in there and started stealing First India’s employees the labor rates went up, and it’s been a few years so even Singh probably got a raise.  He’s why we now have QC checking the prelims when they arrive back here.  Even if he wasn’t an erratic self absorbed out of touch lying douchebag, I could never support him.


We both know I’m not what you need

We haven’t done Bon Mots and Cheap Shots in a while.  After five days on the road, it seems appropriate.

Let’s start off with Delta Airlines.  Credit where credit is due.  They got those sonofabitches off the gate and in the air on time.  Set a watch by those guys.  Clear airplanes, delightful staff.  Smooth flight back to Orlando and relatively smooth home, even though I know that’s a function of the weather, I was expecting a rough flight home and it did not scare the crap out of me.  In spite of both flights home being over booked on the way home I had an empty seat next to me.

Now, a couple of bitches.  1) A regional jet to Los Angeles?  Really?  Coming into Oakland with unsettled weather on that little bitch damned near gave me a heart attack.  I know my Dad would have loved it, but I am not my father when it comes to airplanes.  It’s not that I don’t like the concept of flying, I do.  It’s that I think that most corporations in America are inherently evil and would do anything to make money, including skimp on much needed maintenance to save a buck.  One word.  Jackscrew.  Nuff said.  Alaska Flight 261 is why I am afraid of flying.  I didn’t used to be.

I have a new client who I met last Friday.  He is a retired airplane mechanic.  That’s the thing, he’s retired.  He’s the kind of guy I would want working on my plane.  Methodical, uncompromising, Swiss.  I think the mechanics truly care, I don’t think the white collar jerkoffs give a damn.

2) $25 to check my first bag?  Bullshit.  Just bullshit.  Luckily I like to travel light so I was charged $25 and not $35 for a larger bag.  I take pride in wearing everything I bring.  I did with one exception.  Whenever there’s  a hotel pool at these events, I bring my swim suit and swim laps rather than try and work out at the gym when every other agent of the Cult of Red is trying to work out. Did I mention we were in Florida?  Orlando to be exact.  Upon my arrival Sunday morning at 6:30am it was 34 degrees in Orlando Florida.  That bullshit continued until Tuesday morning when it was in the 60’s and got up to the 70’s.  It’s Florida fergodsakes.  Anyway I wore/used everything except my swimsuit.  Upon my arrival at Orlando International yesterday to go home the porter was right there when I got out of the the Supershuttle.  He took my bag and then after charging me $25 for it stood there and muscled me for a tip.  I paid it to keep my bag from ending up in Bogata, but Buddy, you’re an asshole.

3) Mears Transportation.  They have a monopoly on the airport with direct transportation from all of the hotels to the airport and back.  In other words, all the other shuttles can’t be there.  So it cost me $50 to get to the hotel.  You people are assholes.

3) The problem with these things is that you just get jacked for everything.  One solution is Starbuck’s Via.  It improves upon crappy room coffee by the tenfold.  And keeps you from having to pay $5.25 for a cup of coffee.  Or $3.25 for a small bottle of water.  Or $10 for a quesadillo.  Assholes.

Next subject.  Whitney Houston.  Rest in peace, I’m sorry.  I’m really sorry for your daughter who had to deal with a trainwreck of an addict as a mother and a complete idiot for a father.  I’m really sorry for Cissy Houston who spent 48 years watching that train speed out of control towards the bridge that everybody knew was out.  Whitney, you disrepected Dolly Parton back when you had the hit from her song.  That always pissed me off.  I don’t care how beautiful your voice was.  Key word “was”.  Credit where credit is due and “I will always love you” was a brilliant song written by a brilliant songwriter.  You should have given her some credit back in 1992.  That was classless and I’m one of those purists who never forgot.  Dolly, on the other hand was gracious and forgiving.  Last week when asked about the song by Anderson Cooper quipped that every time that song was played on the radio she bought another cheap wig.  I’m sure that song has made Dolly a very wealthy woman.  She recorded it twice.  I do believe later Whitney did mention Dolly so I imagine I wasn’t the only person who noticed.

That being said, I’m sure Whitney alternatively made Cissy ridiculously proud and crack her molars.  I supposed it’s your duty to your parents.  Addiction is a terrible thing.  And it’s a disease.  When someone is a super star like Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Brittany Murphy, Elvis Presley and on and on they have plenty of enablers all around them.  Whitney Houston had no business drinking champagne or having any sort of pills in her room.  I blame her Doctors and her entourage for not calling her on her shit.  But at the end of the day, it was her shit that killed her.  Now, why in heaven’s name are we watching about this bullshit 24/7 on CNN?  Just another reason I don’t have cable.

Move along, nothing to see here.

Rick Santorum.  Or as Sandra Berhard refers to him Sick Rantorum.  Why is this jackass surging?  Over the other jackass.  Who outpaces the third and fourth jackass. Do you people understand that he believes that life is absolutely holy, until the moment you are born and then you’re on your own?  That Government should absolutely stay out of your life unless you are a woman in which case it can dictate just about everything you do?  What is the matter with middle America?  This guy promises them nothing but Bush II on steroids.  And that worked out so well.

United States GDP Growth Rate

OK.  Five bad quarters.  The last one in 2009.  Now, quickly kiddies, who was President in 2008?  OK and who was sworn in January 2009.  OK and how many quarters in a row have we had growth?  Thankyouverymuch.


Who do you think you’re fooling?

We’re heading into another political season, as if we ever got out of the last one.

Like most of the country, I am outraged by what’s going on, or perhaps what’s not going on in Congress.  I am disgusted by how stupid we’ve become.  And I am mad as hell.

Are you getting tomorrow off?  Great.  THANK THE UNIONS.

From the Department of Labor’s website:

Labor Day: How it Came About; What it Means

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Founder of Labor Day

More than 100 years after the first Labor Day observance, there is still some doubt as to who first proposed the holiday for workers.

Some records show that Peter J. McGuire, general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners and a cofounder of the American Federation of Labor, was first in suggesting a day to honor those “who from rude nature have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold.”

But Peter McGuire’s place in Labor Day history has not gone unchallenged. Many believe that Matthew Maguire, a machinist, not Peter McGuire, founded the holiday. Recent research seems to support the contention that Matthew Maguire, later the secretary of Local 344 of the International Association of Machinists in Paterson, N.J., proposed the holiday in 1882 while serving as secretary of the Central Labor Union in New York. What is clear is that the Central Labor Union adopted a Labor Day proposal and appointed a committee to plan a demonstration and picnic.

The First Labor Day

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union. The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on September 5, 1883.

In 1884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday, as originally proposed, and the Central Labor Union urged similar organizations in other cities to follow the example of New York and celebrate a “workingmen’s holiday” on that date. The idea spread with the growth of labor organizations, and in 1885 Labor Day was celebrated in many industrial centers of the country.

Here are some words that the right wing have used to promote hate.  I’ve had it.  When you see these words, know that they are words of hate.

  1. Lawyers -Yep, back when George H.W. Bush was running for first Vice-President and then President, he blamed the problems of this country on the lawyers.  I call bullshit.  Lawyers were the first of the current boogie men.  They practice law.  They are the ones that should be in Washington writing laws.  Not the clowns that are currently writing laws.  Lawyering is an honorable profession, there are dishonest ones, that’s for sure, but there are dishonest politicians too so GHWB had no right to single out the lawyers.  And this country was stupid for believing him.
  2. Academia -Yeah, pick on the smart guys.  Also a GHWB tactic.  Maybe he was just grooming his idiot son for the Presidency.  Without academia we wouldn’t have the medical breakthroughs we have now.  If you’re sick, really sick, you want to be at a university hospital.  That’s where the best of the best and the brightest of the bright reside.  George W. Bush would never be found there.  Nor would Dan Quayle.  Seeing a pattern yet?
  3. Cultural Elite -What does that mean?  Andy Warhol?  Diane von Fürstenberg?  Doris Duke?  What did that mean, but it caught on.
  4. Liberal Media -First, I don’t know when liberal got to be a dirty word.  It’s not.  Once upon the time before a bunch of corporate marketers changed the way that news was delivered we used to be able to trust the information.  Now it’s all about the bubbleheaded blonde that comes on at 6.  And selling soap bubbles.  And market share.  I will never forgive Dan Rather for announcing James Brady’s death.  But, I’ll take the Liberal Media every day of the week over Faux News.  They’ve been proven to be criminals by Scotland Yard, why do we still watch them in America?  Why do we believe a single word they say?  If you haven’t seen Outfoxed, go rent it.  Nuff said.
  5. Moral Majority -It wasn’t moral or the majority but they kept repeating it as if it were true.  I could do a subsection on these asshats.  Pat Robertson blaming New Orleans for Katrina or Haiti for the earthquake.  Michelle Bachmann just mused if the earthquake and Irene were God’s way of signaling Congress that they weren’t doing what she thought they should.  Or how about their preachers going down, literally, one after another for, let’s see, hookers, homo hookers, meth, illicit affairs and Godonlyknows what else.  Shall we take a moment to talk about Congressional morality?  Thought not.  Not moral.  Not the majority.
  6. Unions -Yeah, the guys who stopped child labor, forced a livable wage, job stability, health and safety standards.  Yeah, the Union is the bad guy if your the corporation.  If you’re the worker, they’re the good guy.  Stupid.
  7. Tyranny -Obama is not Ghaddafi.  Ghaddafi was tyranny.  Saddam Hussein was tyranny.  Obama is the President.  Congress, is just as stupid as the people who elected them.  That’s not tyranny either.  King George III?  Tyrannical.  An elected President?  No.
  8. Freedom -Like you can’t do what you want to within reason in this country.  Don’t be an asshat and you have more freedom than any other country.  You have the freedom to be a total douche and vote consistently against your own interest.  Ain’t America grand?
  9. Special Rights -They are only special when they aren’t afforded the entire constituency.  Once that happens, they become special from subtractions not addition.  If it’s 1850 and a slave wants to be free that’s a special right.  Because his right to be free has been subtracted.  See how that works?  But you don’t learn what it means because you have a half assed American education and you buy into that rhetorical horse crap.  The right to marry is only a special right because it’s been taken away.
  10. Elite <add your slur here> -You aren’t elite so it’s ok to hate “the Elite” whoever they are.  Here’s a news flash Senators are elite.  There’s 100 of them.  Congress is elite.  There’s only 435 of them.  Governors are elite.  There’s 50 of them.  You and me?  We aren’t elite.  We’re just schmucks working a job.

There will be a ton more in this new election cycle.  Know them.  Reject them.

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake

Well, I’m still here.  Guess that rapture gig didn’t work out so good for Mr. Camping.  You gots a lot of splaining to do Lucy.  Let’s start with a few random Bible quotes.  Matthew 7:15. I don’t know what this New International Version is…let’s go with King James.

15Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Now a little twist to the New International Version:

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

It’s those damned evildoers again.  Hmmm.  Wonder why GWB got that shit? Checking in with 1 Thessalonians 5:2

1 Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2 for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3 While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

Harold, let me help you out on this one.  It means when the Lord comes back, he’s not getting some poor shmuck to spend his $140,000 retirement to put up billboards for you.  There were an unbelievable 5500 billboards around the world proclaiming yesterday Judgment Day.  God doesn’t care about all your billboards along the I-80.  He does care about all of his creatures and killing them because you drank Harold’s Kool-Aid.  Bill, that’s a good way to get turned away, if you really read the good book and knew what it said.

Frankly the whole thing reminded me of Jonestown, home of the original Kool-Aid.  Jim Jones had the date wrong too and while his followers were true believers, when a charleton’s world come crashing down on them, deperate things happen.  Has anybody heard from Harold?  I mean the guy is 89 years old, that much stress and he might have met his maker last night at 6pm.  His own personal rapture.  The familyradio.com website has been crashed out for a couple of days.  Maybe that’s what he meant.  Lucky we have Cultwatch to help us out.  Here is their advice to Harold’s now left behind followers:

  1. Be prepared to accept that you are wrong. Many others have claimed to know the end of the world before now, and obviously they were wrong. They too misinterpreted Scripture, so if the rapture does not occur on the 21st of May 2011 then you will have joined their ranks. This will be a blow to your ego and some will find this failure very emotional. The best course of action is to prepare to be humble.
  2. Don’t let this failure destroy your faith. The Bible was not wrong, you just interpreted it incorrectly. Harold Camping and his complex string of assumptions and fact fiddling has failed you, God’s Word has not failed you.
  3. If you are not raptured on the 21st of May 2011, don’t panic. It is not because you are a bad Christian, it is because the date is wrong. You’ll find it hard to believe that something you held with such ardor and faith is erroneous, and so you will be prone to blame yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of self condemnation, read Romans 8:1. Remember also that it will be extremely obvious when Jesus Christ returns, like lightning across the whole sky, there is no chance that anybody will miss it, Luke 17:24.
  4. Before the 21st of May 2011 do not do any of these things: do not sell your house and give the money away, do not stop paying bills, do not say anything you will regret to friends and family, don’t quit your job, don’t leave your loved ones. Don’t do anything that will damage your life if the 21st of May 2011 proves not to be rapture day.
  5. Don’t harm yourself or others. Some people who were convinced the end was coming have committed suicide or even hurt or killed others. We at Cultwatch don’t believe any of Harold Camping’s followers would do this. But understand that this sort of thing has happened before, and so it is prudent to talk about this unlikely possibility. If you think you might react in this way to the failure of the 21st of May 2011 date, then you need to let people know now. Do not be alone on the 21st and 22nd of May 2011. If you think there is any risk of you harming yourself or others, then be bold enough to speak out now.

Yep.  Epic fail.

Well while the rapture was not occurring yesterday I was out turning a century on my trusted steed. I didn’t notice an earthquake or a lightening flash in the sky.


Yep. That’s 100. And then a little bit more. It was a pretty nice ride all and all. I had enough food with me and the SAG guys provided enough water. I had some problems with my feet and I’m going to reassess the settings on the new cleats to be sure they’re set properly on my shoes. My last set simply blew up. Apparently they’re only good for 5000 miles and I think mine did at least that. I’ve been riding on those for three years. They wouldn’t even go back together there were pieces missing.

One of the SAG guys gave me a banana and a ride leader gave me some cramping pills and my feet settled down to finish the ride. The lunch stop was the Jelly Belly Factory. Amazingly I’ve never been there. They were selling unbranded sports beans for 50 cents per bag. I think they helped the cramping in my feet too.

I keep my phone turned off when I’m riding because these smart phones will keep looking for towers while you’re riding. You can never look at a thing, never take a call and be out of power when you get back. I leave it off. Yesterday I fired it up to find I had an “urgent” message. When you have an 83yo mother, urgent messages send a shock through your heart when you see them. I frantically went through all the machinations that Verizon has you do to get your voice mail messages only to find out some bitch that speaks english with a mouth full of marbles was calling on one of my listings. Really? You ignorant slut. That house has been on the market for 280 days. There isn’t a goddamned thing urgent about that house, unless you thought yesterday was Judgment Day.

Yeah, that was a softball.

A drunkards dream if I ever did see one

I guess tomorrow is tax day.  I originally thought it was Friday, but who knows.  I have an accountant.  I don’t know how I have an accountant.  She should fire me.  I haven’t paid her for last year yet.  But she had her guy call me on Tuesday and say “We’re filing an extension for you, do you have some numbers for us?”  You mean I’m not fired?  I put together numbers for last year for her.  I know why last year was so tough now.  I thought it was the no closings from May to November thing, but really, I made more than the average American did last year.  It’s my expenses that buried me. 

I am still not upside down on my house.  I attribute that to dumb luck rather than business acumen.  The house is by far my biggest expense chewing up 57% of my income last year.  I carry health, auto and pet insurance here.  I also pay E&O.  While our compliance officer sometimes makes me want to stab my eyes out, the fact that we have one is what keeps our E&O one of the lowest in the business.  Our office actually showed a decent producer the door for compliance issues.  It’s nice to work around real integrity.  Every clown out there in this business wants to attach that word to their name to the point that it’s kind of like “gourmet” to me, but my OP walks the walk and I appreciate that.  I paid $6k in health and auto insurance last year and used neither.  Auto is going up this year because of that failure to appear thing.  And my broker wants to be named on my policy which meant I could no longer pretend like I’d told them I was driving for business and they forgot to write it down.  On the pet insurance, they have paid me more than I paid them.  Over Beauregard’s lifetime, I made money on his policy.  I’m on track to make money on Rita and Bubba too.  That’s one expense I will pick up shifts in a strip bar before I’ll let go.  Bartending.  Jeezus.

Speaking of pet insurance, it’s that time of year when the meerkat makes her appearance.  I went out to hack down the weeds earlier this week, got about 10 square feet done and zzzzzzz.  The grasshog went to about 1/4 speed.  I put it away, fretted over it for several days and pulled it back out two days ago.  Zzzzzz poof!  The poof resulted in smoke spewing from the motor.  I fretted a little more knowing the grasshog was dead.  Then I remembered that it cost $358 to have a foxtail pulled out of Rita’s nose.  Rita and Bubba are insured, Ike is not.  A new weedwhacker is $100.  That math was simple.  I could have gotten another electric one but really with this much property, it was time to move up to gas.  I’m about halfway done taking it all down and then I have to rake it up and get it out of here, but that’s what you get when you can’t afford to landscape.  I saw an amazing garden in Lafayette on broker tour last week.  I was thrilled that my fava beans looked just like this guy’s did.  He had amazing chard or maybe it was rhubarb.  The agent said it was rhubarb but it looked just like my chard.  Only amazing.  And a kiwi tree.

I’m hoping to have some of my garden issues worked out here.  Only time will tell.  I actually managed to eat last year for a total of $8.20 per day, $246 per month.  I suspect if I analyzed that I’d see that costs went up towards the end of the year, but I’m not that interested in the result.  I’ve had to spend a lot of windshield time recently, business is taking me repeatedly to Hayward and San Leandro.  Once in San Leandro, it’s a quick jaunt to Berkeley Bowl before heading through the Caldecott.  I loved their old location, I love their new location.  The lighting is better and it doesn’t smell the funk like that old place.  What’s cool about Berkeley Bowl is that they have such a following that they can have 7 varieties of oranges, 6 troughs of organic salad mix, and 9 different varieties of sweet potatoes.  And they don’t bend you over a barrel at the check out like Whole Wallet Foods does.  Their bulk aisle is epic and they carry every variety of mochi you could imagine.  This little sweet rice product really helps keep me out of the things I shouldn’t get in to.  Like ice cream.  Once you bake it there’s a warm gooey inside and a crunchy outside.  Now there’s a brownie version.  I was on the cinnamon raisin ones for a long time and the cashew date ones are pretty damn good too.  It really helps tame the beast in the evening.  It’s not like anyone who has ever stayed here would tell you that there are snacks here.  There aren’t.  There is on a very rare occasion ice cream, but it’s shelf life in measured like light in a vacuum. 

The real backbreaking number besides insurance was gasoline.  I spent $4222 on gasoline last year and I don’t commute.  Oh, and in spite of the BMW’s new propensity to go through oil, it still averages 24 mpg.  Averages.  On the subject of radical theories, I believe the original mortgage meltdown was brought on by the spike in gas prices that occured in 2007.  What?  Yep, that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.  Gas prices spiked and all those people who were living in godforsaken places like Brentwood, Tracy, Lancaster, Corona, Temecula and the like, had their monthly commute expenses double.  Except they were idiots and bought big SUV’s before they moved out there and started commuting.  Now $200 a month gas expense on a tight budget becomes $450 and it’s over with, the house of cards collapses.  Now just imagine if we took all the money that we’ve spent in Iraq and Afghanistan and put it into R&D on clean energy?  Because neither of those wars had to do with freedom but had everything to do with capitalism and oil.  And oil.  And oil.  1.1 trillion dollars so far.   It would have been a lot cheaper to use the Wine Dog approach with the Taliban back in 2001.  Hello Taliban?  We’re on our way, like in the air on our way, we’ll be there by nightfall.  We can pick up Osama bin Laden or we can turn your landscape into glass, your choice.  Yeah, I know it doesn’t work that way, but somebody needs to think outside the box.  You know what they say in 12 step…repeating the same thing expecting different results is the definition of insanity.  No, that’s not why I know that.

Thibodeaux, fontaineaux, the place is buzzin’

Jack Assery, party of one, your table is ready.

OK, I know.  blahblahblah.

Thieves.  These thieves are lucky.  I don’t know that I would have been able to restrain my desire to fire off rounds at them if I’d been home.

These little d-bags stole my catalytic converter.  They unbolted it at the back but then used a pipe cutter to cut my goddamned header because the front bolts were seized.  I want to shoot them all.  I was out of town at The Cult of Red’s Family Reunion (an amazing event that makes me proud to be affiliated with them) when this happened and my dogs were in their kennels while my dog sitter slept.  If my dogs had been in the bedroom with me, I doubt these asshats would have gotten away with it.  I truly believe Ike would have woken up and at the very least given a bark.  I could have gotten off a round or two before they got away.  But finally I have to say something nice about Concord PD.  They caught them.  And they got my cat back.  And they talked Concord Toyota into reinstalling it.  So instead of having to buy a new one at $1200, I bought a new header at $300.  Add another $300 in labor and it’s back out there for these little turds to try and steal it again.  Yes, we’re going for restitution.  There are four of them.  I want every one of them to pay $600 and I want the extra to go to charity because I couldn’t use my truck to rescue any dogs or go to any AIDS Lifecycle training rides because of them.  There are consequences goddammit.

On a lighter note.

Duke is a very sensitive young man.  He’s a bit of a serial little dog mauler.  He went after a Boston yesterday.  Twice.  The little girl was just trying to say “Hi!”.  Duke was trying to do a Sylvester/Tweety bird on her.  We had a very serious discussion about his behavior.  When we got back to the condo Duke put himself on a time out.  I’ve never seen a dog who punishes himself before.  I’m down to the three who belong here and that’s kind of nice.

Prescott is living merrily up in Rossmoor with another old lady.  I thought I might have made a mistake with him.  He was a little younger and stronger than I expected.  I suggested that maybe he wasn’t the right dog for her.  Two days later everything is solved and there are no more issues.  Because Prescott is a perfect dog.

The third time he jumped on me he got a knee in the chest.

Little Sister is doing awesome in Oakland at her new home.  She had a little adjustment period too.  Crates.  That’s all I have to say.  Use crates.

Last I heard, Hannibal had everybody wrapped around his paw in Michigan.

Tomorrow I’m rolling out my new project.  It’s pretty simple and self explanatory.  Oh yeah, and if it catches on like it should it will save our nation $2 billion annually.  Really.  The Wine Dog will save this nation $2 billion annually.  Starting tomorrow.

And you’ll be pleased to know I’ve got a few rants in me.  But today in the interest of time, I’ll boil them down to a paragraph.

Somalian pirates.  The solution is simple.  Hook all 15 of those little rat bastards to the back of the US Navy destroyer and use them for chum on the way back to port.  Then stack up their ransom demand, whatever it was, set it afire and burn whatever the sharks didn’t eat for all to see.  These guys are savages and this is what they understand.  I don’t understand why we have been such pansies about this crap.  We go blow up a bunch of mud huts after 9/11 after waiting 32 days to do anything, and now we let these maggots continue to operate.  They are criminals acting in international waters.  Game over.

Gaddafi.  Or Khaddafi.  Or whatever.  He’s the best argument against what Bush did in Iraq.  We don’t have the man power to get involved in another skirmmish and over throw another crazy guy in the Middle East.  Even though this is the one that really deserves it.   Although every time I think of him I remember that we had a toy ball, I don’t remember where we got it, that my rugby team used to play with before practice.  It was the head of a terrorist.  This was back in the 90’s.  We called it the Khaddafi ball.  Or Gaddafi.  Or.

Wisconsin.  Cheese.  Remember when Reagan broke the air traffic controllers union?  Think we’re better off because he did that?  Nope.  Not a fan of union breaking.  I know the UAW is out of control, but from my experience, the unions allow people to do their jobs without worrying about a lot of other crap that people worry about in their jobs.  Union workers have superior benefits.  Wouldn’t you like to have better benefits?  Work conditions are generally better.  And they don’t find themselves involved in class actions suits for wages not paid.  I’m on my fourth now.  I got the call the other day.

Like The Brother says, if y’all would act right, but you won’t.  So here we sit.

Just for the record, I hear all this bullshit about bad teachers who just go on and on with tenure.  Name one.  Name one goddamned teacher that is so shitty that they need to be fired but can’t be because of tenure.  Name one.  I dare you to.  Can’t?  That’s what I thought.  That teacher is a right wing bug-a-boo and doesn’t exist any more than the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

OK, not that Santa.