And God was watching

I really want to write a happy post.  Full of happy things.  But I think Norman broke my toe last night.  The second broken toe this year if in fact it’s broken.  It looks like hell but it didn’t keep me awake last night like most broken bones so it might just be badly bruised.

photo (9)

 

Yeah, I know.  I have funky toes, but my feet look just like my grandmother’s did, so they are her living legacy.

Now.  Walmart.  Do read to the end of the article where you can find out that Walmart turned a profit of $15.7 million last year.  Doncha think they could pay their employees a living wage?  Boycott.

Lots of competition for douche of the week.  San Francisco Supervisor Eric Mar is a front runner for sure.  But today Congressman Trey Radel was arraigned on charges of possession of cocaine.  He pled guilty about 20 minutes ago.  What makes Congressman Radel special?  The fact that he voted for drug testing SNAP recipients last month.  Maybe we should drug test Congress.  Actually this kind of answers a few questions.  These asshats must be on drugs to be so stupid.  Or in the immortal words of Sam Landon “People like this give drugs a bad name”.

But let’s go to our happy place.  Batkid.  Yeah, there are plenty of kids out there facing horrible diseases.  Yeah, Make a Wish does great work.  This one was just awesome.  Sometimes you have to celebrate awesome.  And what better place than Babylon by the Bay.  Actually there is no other City save possibly New Orleans that is better at throwing a party.  And why the hell not?

This is also pretty awesome.  This couple are just trying to keep their kids imagination intact.  Well played.  I was always pretty much a skeptic as a kid.  I never saw the boot prints by the chimney.  Or understood who ate the cookies.

Finally, we have a choice in this life to do what we do in a soulless march to our ultimate demise or to be extraordinary.  This woman really doesn’t have to do anything more than show up, make a few movies, take home a treasure chest full of money and call it a day.  But that’s not what she does.

 

 

And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy

What utter bullshit.

Sarah Palin and Ted Cruz at the World War II memorial?  Bullshit.

$24 billion dollars is what those jackholes just spent.  $24 billion dollars to screw everything up for nothing.  Bullshit.

I cannot imagine the circumstance that would ever allow me to take another Republican even halfway seriously again.  Except maybe Senator Rep. King who was the voice of reason from the right from the get go.  On Ted Cruz:

“The fact is, if you come up with a strategy that’s going to shutdown the government of the United States, and you have no way of winning, you’re either a fraud, or you’re totally incompetent. So he can have his choice as to what he is.”

Can I choose both?

Better yet, can I pick guilty of sedition and treason?  I like those two a lot.  I’d like to see Cruz, Rubio, Grassley, Rand, Shelby…all of those clowns held accountable for the $24 billion dollars of my tax money they just wasted with their made up crisis.  In high school they call these people drama queens.

Obama looks like a Progressive to extremists, but in truth, he’s further to the right than Clinton was.  If we get my dream ticket of Clinton and Warren we are going to see some old school liberals.  History tells us that this country always thrives when run by old school liberals.  As far as Obama and big government?  Facts are fun.  From Forbes, read the whole article here.  Fox and friends and the Teabaggers and the Republicans are lying to you.  A lot.  Check your facts people. When you piss off Warren Buffet, y’all better be paying attention.

MW-AR658_spendi_20120521163312_ME11

 

I have a crush on this little geeky dude.  Just because he’s so damn spunky.

Buy some boots and faded jeans and go away

I just returned from a place that has signs on the door telling you that you must have a permit to bring a gun inside.  And other places where it’s a felony to carry.   It’s unnerving to look around a room and know that some of these assholes have guns, and just wonder how stupid they are.  And hope they aren’t that stupid.  I hate being in Texas.

But I love Austin.  Once I break away from the beaten path I always meet super cool people and have amazing food and wine.  Austin is one of the few places I’ve found the Delille D2.  That is worth flying down there.  I think the D2 is perfection in a glass.  I didn’t have any on this trip although I did have a wonderful Morgan Twelve Clones Pinot Noir, Santa Lucia Highlands 2011.  This is a delightful wine.  The restaurant had it on the menu for $40.  That was a screaming deal.  I think it was a matter of not everyone knows what it is.  I saw Santa Lucia Highlands and went right to the google.  KL Wines rated it highly so we were all in.  It had a wonderful earthiness that you would expect from a Pinot.  The front palette had that cherry cola thing going on that I just love in a Pinot with a back palette of leather, fresh tobacco and black tea.  It wasn’t too tight on the finish, just right.  A lovely wine.

While I was gone, apparently Rep. Jackie Speier got into some shit.  I am not a Jackie Speier fan and I always have to look up her name to figure out how to spell it.  However, she presented the most poignant indictment on this asinine Congress I have seen yet.  And it bears repeating and repeating and repeating.

Speier then outlined examples of what she said was lavish House spending, including one congressman’s tab for $3,558 for food and lodging during a six-day trip to Russia.

“That particular member has 21,000 food stamp recipients in his district,” Speier said. “One of those people who is on food stamps could live a year on what this congressman spent on food and lodging for six days.”

Speier also spotlighted a recent trip to Dublin, Ireland, by 20 members of Congress, who received $166 per day for individual meals. “Yet for them, the idea of helping fellow Americans spend less than $5 a day makes their skin crawl,” she said.

The thing about Jackie Speier is that she is a fighter.  She was a staffer in the party in Guyana when Rep. Ryan and five others were murdered by the People’s Temple whack jobs.  And she was shot five times.  She’s tough.  I hope she continues to care this torch.  And fight this fight.  Yes, there are people who pilfer the system.  Always will be.  They are the minority and these asshats want to punish the majority.  Fight on Jackie.  I’m with you on this one.

Speaking of whack jobs with a gun…Iowa is training blind people to use guns.  Has this country lost it’s mind?  Sorry ADA.  Blind people shouldn’t be shooting guns.  Interestingly enough this guy asks the same question.  I don’t think I can do a better job so go read what he said.  And Mr. Pitts, yes.  It does.

I do have a hero in the NFL after all.  It’s Brian Holloway.  This guy could have gone any one of a number of different directions on this one.  He used it as a learning opportunity.  As far as the asshole parents who are talking about suing him?  If your little snot was at that party, fine.  Next time you go on vacation, I’ll put your address up on craigslist and we’ll see how you feel about a party of that magnitude being held at your place.  Rock on Holloway.

 

A voice spoke to me and it slowly started saying

Where to start?

We’ll start with my friend John.  I met John in the title business.  He’s a deal through a deal guy, always looking for the next big thing.  He works hard.  Very hard.  He’s a tall man around 6’4″, very well put together with the biggest smile of anyone I know.  He loves Jesus, his wife and his family.  And me.  And likewise.  When he calls he starts with “VEEE CEEE!”  And I respond with JAY BEE!  We never talk about it but as a relatively dark skinned black man, I know he fights fights that I will never have to.  I know the cops regularly shake him down over his sleek 7-series BMW.  What was a black man doing driving a 7-series BMW in Danville?  That really pisses me off.  And I’m certain he can’t hail a cab on his own.

John didn’t see the mortgage thing coming.  He lost the home that he had built especially for his family.  He lost his job.  He lost everything.  And then he dusted himself off and rebuilt his family’s life, because John hustles.  He never lost his big beautiful smile through any of it and when he called it started with “VEE CEE!”

Last Saturday night John suffered the most devastating of losses.  His eldest son was murdered at a club in Oakland.  Naturally nobody know nuthin’.  He was shot.  That they know.  I know John and I know how he raised his sons.  Once the police are done figuring out what happened it will be a wrong time wrong place situation.  It was a private party at a more upscale club.  He wasn’t hanging at Dorsey’s Locker.  He was at decent club in Jack London Square.  And now he’s gone.  Just like that.  And my friend John is dealing with an unimaginable loss.

Sadly my friend John is not the first one of my friends to lose a child.  My friends have lost sons over drugs, suicide and car wrecks.  And God only knows what else.  One friend who had the means to give her son everything couldn’t give him the cure for addiction.  He ended up dead in some flea-bag motel in Oakland just when they thought his addiction was finally beaten.  She suffered from lung cancer and once he was dead she started smoking again and essentially killed herself too.  From that I learned that once someone loses a child their life is never the same.  And no one will understand.  I also learned that you lean into your friends when they lose a child.

No one knows what to say and they abandon their friends.  They don’t mean to, but what do you say to someone who just lost their adult child?  I don’t freaking know but I do know it’s worth it to sit and drink coffee or wine or whatever with your friends.  You don’t have to talk about the loss, you just have to listen.  That’s what friends do.  I know the loss in unimaginable.  And I know all you have to do is be there.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to deal with the funeral next week.  I do know that when that part’s over and everyone has gone home, I’ll call John.  And I’ll keep calling John.  Because that’s what friends do.

Dig my grave with the Ace of Spades

Kind of feeling like putting together a freak show today…so let’s start…here.  That’s what’s wrong with backyard breeders.  Amazingly the little dog has lived for three years.  And God bless the woman who saved her and helps her live.

And I’m my very own freak show.

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That’s what happens when you’re on antibiotics that cause sun sensitivity and you drive your car in the sun.  It’s called phototoxicity and it hurts like a mofo.

Yesterday I heard, amongst other things, this band on Devil’s night radio.

This isn’t the exact song I heard yesterday but it’s a great representation of this gal’s voice.  We’ll come back to her in a few.  In the meantime, there has been this great jazz revival happening down there with some young singers taking up the torch.  My favorite is Mecshiya Lake and the Little Big Horn band.  I got to see them at the Sweetwater Thursday night.  Holy crap.  I haven’t heard an act this tight since Steely Dan when they did their reunion tour in the 90’s.  If you read up on them she’s a tough businesswoman having produced their album.  Yeah.  Produced.

I might be living in the wrong town.  Check out Tuba Skinny

When I hear about these wonderful bands I google them and check them out and if they’re still together, where they play etc.  I suppose it could be said that it all started with the Squirrel Nut Zippers who were out of Chapel Hill NC.  More likely it started with my father playing this stuff.

But back to the freak show.  So I googled Ingrid Lucia and the Flying Neutrinos to see what they were up to and if they were still together and I found that not only were they still together but they had a rich history.  And a pretty interesting patriarch.  He floated a raft across the Atlantic.  That scares the crap out of me.  That Atlantic is a fierce ocean that has swallowed many a sailor.  I don’t think I’d cross that ocean in a real boat much less a raft constructed out of bit and pieces of, well, shit they found.  But makes for a damned interesting bio.  And I’m thinking I need to spend a little more time in the Big Easy listening to some of these up and comers.

And when I die, book Mecschiya Lake and the LIttle Big Horn Band for the procession.  And then walk my dead ass out into the sea.

 

 

And the victim, well, he won’t come back

This Lyme Disease shit is no fun.  And I don’t even know if I really have the shit.  Lyme Disease treatment is like rabies.  It takes a while to get the blood test back so in the interim I have to do the treatment, which sucks majorly, but not as much as Lyme Disease sucks.  I’ve certainly done my research and according to the County there are only 2-4 cases confirmed in Contra Costa County annually.  Then I talked to a friend who is a Doctor who said “That’s because Doctor’s don’t believe it’s here and are misdiagnosing people.”  Awesome.  At least I went to a Lyme Disease specialist.  I will say the rash I had on my leg was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.  I remember thinking it was two-toned, which could be considered a bulls-eye which is what the problem is.  I would be shocked if the test comes back positive on one hand.  On the other, my lymph nodes are so swollen that I could feel them when I was driving the truck down a bumpy road yesterday.   I’ve had a low-grade headache for two weeks and my stomach is beat to shit.  The thing is, that could be the antibiotics or that could be Lyme Disease, we won’t know until later this week.  And that sucks.  I’ve been completely off my game, barely doing the minimum to keep my business running.  Showing up where I need to be and trying to keep my thinking cap on.  That’s the weird thing, I can’t think.  I told a friend last week “If this is what mental patients feel like, no wonder they go off their meds.  I want to go off my meds.”

Veering left.

This shit is going to be the downfall of the country.  Trust me.  Over the last 25 years the police have become increasingly militarized.  Now they are shooting old people and pets pretty much with impunity.  They go to court and it’s he said she said.  There is some color that the police officer’s statement carries more weight than the citizen’s so we are behind the 8-ball from the git go.  When this first happened they thought he would never walk again.  At least it has been downgraded to he can never golf again.

An Oregon State Trooper tazed an 11yo autistic child.  The “liberal” media called her a woman and a juvenile in the same news cast.  She’s 11 years old.  She’s pre-teen you nimrods.  For those of you unfamiliar with autism, there is a function within the disease called bolting or elopement.  It’s extremely dangerous for the child.  I have a client who has a child who is a bolter.  We went through every house assessing egress before we made an offer.  They ended up with a home high on a hill a goodly distance from a main street.  If he bolts at least they have some time before he becomes in danger.  They told me the last time he got away he was 2 miles down the road before they found him.  Scary shit.

Because Blue Heelers are so dangerous.  If I cop shot one of my dogs, they would have to shoot me next.  And the thing is, they would do that.  That’s what we have allowed our police to become.  We are the police state the left has been warning against since 1967.  We’re there.  If someone wanted to take over this country and enforce martial law, they could using our militarized police departments.  The thing is, I was right when I said they were going to use 9/11 to take away our rights.  Worried about the NSA?  How did you enjoy the X-ray body search at the airport?  Still worried about the NSA?  That secret panel of judges that never sees the light of day was approved by the Bush Administration.  Still worried?  Yeah.

Next move, they make it illegal to sue the police department for destruction of property, which is what a dog is still considered.  Cenk obviously isn’t a dog guy and is dreadfully outnumbered.

Let’s end with an old favorite.  Pearl E Gates and the Clash

 

The drug of a nation

Let’s have a fish fry today.

Interesting list of the most influential US winemakers.   I’ve met six of them.  Five of the six are in the top 20.  Three in the top three.  Kind of a charmed life I lead.

Not so fast buck-o.

2013-07-24 14.54.10What the hell is that you ask?

Here’s a hint.

IMG_4002  I tried to take a photograph so I could blow it up and see what it was.  Some strange bug on the door jam in my bedroom.  At 10pm at night.  My brain had been shut down for a couple of hours by then.  Well, it’s a black legged deer tick.  And that bite.  Yeah, probably that little bastard.  Unfortunately a lot of the advice I got last night involved salvaging that critter.  I knocked him down with a fly swat (as opposed to squishing him) and dumped him in the toilet.  If I had squished him there would have been blood all over my wall…something I didn’t know until he hit the water and I saw his little legs scrambling and I thought “Sonofabitch, that’s a tick”.

Now I’m scrambling to get into a Dr. who knows Lyme disease.  There have been points where that rash looks like a bullseye.  That’s not good.  I’d rather go through the protocol than have Lyme disease.  Danger: Medical adventure ahead.  The good news is I bought insurance a couple of months ago.  Now I have to find the policy and see what it covers.

This guy would get responsible gun owner of the day if not for this woman.  Hold on, she rented the gun.  Oh, that’s different.  Because her husband has filed a wrongful death suit against the gun range because she tried to do it once before and he says she should have been banned.  That almost makes sense.  Almost.  Can’t wait to hear from the family of the copycat suicide guy.

Just remember, all bets are off the minute the right says that Trayvon Martin would be alive today if he were packing.  Still waiting on that one.

Anthony Weiner, you are no Bill Clinton.  You are not going to come back from this one like he did.  Go home.  Please.  At least for a while until everything blows over.

It’s been a rough week here at The Farm.  I had to deal with some lack of loyal from a client early in the week that really rocked my little world.  I followed that up with another client who was buying VA.  I told him we were never going to get him a house and we needed to look at new construction.  I took him to Centex and signed him up there.  I talked to him last week and said “let’s go look at some other stuff”.  He went out alone and looked at it.  Unfortunately unless I am standing there to sign in with him, I don’t get paid on new construction.  $12,000 out the window after four months of working with the guy.  That’s the nature of the business but it really really sucks.  And Meritage Homes, that’s just plain bullshit.  I’m watching you assholes.

And where there’s muck, there’s  Gloria Allred.  Argh.  She’s right.

You’re welcome.

 

Bitch, you better run a check

I could go on and on about the trial down in Florida, but it’s in Florida.  And that State is just full of idiots.  Hanging Chad?  Check.  Safe haven for OJ until he beat up some guy in Vegas?  Check.  And now they unapologetically tell a young black man’s family that he got what he deserved for walking home in the rain with a hood up over his head.

Here’s where we go off the reservation.  I think the jury got it right.  According to Florida law.  Thank the NRA for this one.  Wha?  Yep.  Here is a great article from the former Miami Police Chief.  He blames Florida law.  I think he makes very valid points.  Jonathan Turley, George Washington Law Professor dude and MSNBC talking head thinks the jury got it right.  Get this, he qualifies it by saying it wasn’t charged properly.  Melissa Harris-Perry Tulane professor and for my money one of the smartest people on television had an interesting show over the weekend.  Her show alleges that this case was lost before it started.  In that scenario the conservative District Attorney is forced to charge Zimmerman to appease the African American constituency.  So she overcharges Zimmerman in a case they cannot win so he walks and she can say “See, I did my job” the cracker contingency is happy as Zimmerman walks, and she gets re-elected.  Win-win.  I question that she is that smart, but it’s an interesting hypothesis.

Whether that is ridiculous or not remains to be seen.  This is ridiculous.  Robert Zimmerman Jr.

 

“There are factions, there are groups, there are people that would want to take the law into their own hands as they perceive it, or be vigilante’s in some sense,” he told Morgan during the live interview. “They think that justice was not served, they won’t respect the verdict no matter how it was reached and they will always present a threat to George and his family.”

At the end of the day, George Zimmerman was told by the police to not follow Trayvon Martin and to not get out of his car.  He did neither and a young man is dead.  Zimmerman stays in his car and there is no fight, no threat to Zimmerman and no need to shoot anyone.  This would have never gone this way in California, mostly because as squirrely as our jurys can be, we don’t have a Stand Your Ground law.  And now we know why they are stupid.

The quiet scares me ’cause it screams the truth

I can’t possibly leave this one alone…although on a side note, pretty interesting I quote Tony Soprano week before last and he vapor locks last week.

That thin white line.  I’ve been cautious about Paula Deen ever since it came out she was diabetic.  That only got out because she was considering a contract to pitch a diabetes drug.  You mean her style of cooking can cause diabetes?  Say it ain’t so!

So she continues to hawk her cookbooks and television show while quietly spiking it with the insulin.  Awesome.  Buy my shit and get free clean needles!

Now people, Paula Deen’s First Amendment rights have not been infringed upon.  She has been able to throw her plantation style wedding because those black folk look so damned nice in those white jackets, and spout off racist jokes to her hearts content.  She wasn’t even fired from Food Network, they simply chose to not renew her contract.  Probably if you read that contract it had things in it about a standard of behavior that the network expected.  Of her Jew jokes and redneck jokes and negro jokes only one are ok.  Why?  Because you can choose to be a redneck.  Get it?  Paula didn’t.  She should have stuck to the redneck jokes.  Because it’s alright to be a redneck doncha know.

Paula started with playing the Southern card on this one.  Probably not her best play.  Here’s a better play.

Now I give the old girl credit here.  No wiggle words.  She apologizes to those she has hurt.  Not if she hurt someone, the ones she hurt.  This is a proper apology.   She was way out of line.  She knows damn good and well that she shouldn’t have been doing that sort of crap.  If it were ok she’d be using that language on her television show and interviews.  It’s not like she had nice black men dressed in white jackets seating her studio audience was it?  Or maybe a young negro in overalls bringing her in a chicken to fry up.  That would really have a quaint Southern flavor wouldn’t it?  How about a smiling old man with a watermelon?  That would be great for her Southern cooking themed show.  She knew she was out of line.  And now she is going to pay the piper.

Lucky for Paula, America is a racist forgiving country.  She’ll be back when the dust settles.  Hittin’ the insulin and serving up the chocolate gooey butter cookies.

Bonus cheap thrill.

 

Transcript of the Testimony of Paula Deen Date: May 17, 2013

Life is short, but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees

This is going to be random.

I’m back.  The AIDS/Lifecycle 12 is over with.  It was a very tough 7 days all around.  Part of the problem was that I missed a shit ton of training rides due to my business.  I did three centuries before we left but the day after day grind wasn’t really there.  And I switched out bicycle seats two weeks before we left.  That is something I should have done back in January but I was just busy and didn’t get around to it.  By the third century that issue had reached critical mass.  I couldn’t ride a century least wise the AIDS/Lifecycle.  So I switched it out.  And I paid for that.  Not as much as I would have paid if I had left it as it was since the old seat was worn out.  At the end of the day I had no break down of skin and that’s the difference between life at the butt clinic and life on the ride.

This ride was the largest AIDS fundraiser in history.  We raised $14.2 million dollars.  That’s mind boggling.  People will get to live because of what we did last week.

I did not get any proper sleep leading up to the ride and I had clients running me all over on the Saturday before I left.  I caught a ride with a friend who had to be there 30 minutes before the cyclists so I was up at 2:50am to go.  Generally I ride in the middle of the pack.  I was slipping into the bottom third but I came into Santa Cruz with time to spare.  The road to Half Moon Bay just sucks, traffic is really close, at least is moves slowly, but it’s a steep climb.  And it just sucks.  Especially when you’re short of sleep.  I found myself thinking about Princess as we went over the hills.

As the miles clicked by, the awfulness of her mental illness started to peel away like an onion.  I started to remember all of the fun we used to have.  I remembered an hilarious night out in San Francisco the begat the Legend of Seamus.  I remembered her birthday at Chevy’s.  I remembered a trip we made to Palm Springs.  I remembered that she did my make-up when I went as Mimi from the Drew Carey show for Halloween.  And the Danny Baker School of Etiquette.  And driving her RX7 across the bay bridge at lunch because she didn’t think we could make it to the City and back during a lunch hour.  She had a racing license at one point.  One of her friends built out Mazdas for the track and that RX7 was a rocket.   Before the RX7 she had a slant nosed Porsche.   And then I really began to miss my friend.

Princess had been gone since around 2008.  She had a nervous breakdown and was taken to County and kept on a 5250 for two weeks.  I remember her showing me the paperwork in 2010 and telling me that the Doctors said she wasn’t crazy.  It was full of words like schizophrenia, paranoid delusions and manic behavior.  Princess was mentally ill.  I said something like, “Did they want you to do any follow up?”  No, she was fine.  She wasn’t of course.  She had lucid moments for sure, but then she’d head down the rabbit hole and it could be very bad.  I remember arguing with her over a jar of piss that she was sure was holy water.  Don’t ask me how she got a jar of piss in the first place.

There were a couple of people who she focused on that were her foils.  They were the ones that planted the listening devices, stole money from her, smoked crack or practiced Satanism.   My only sin was that I stole her gun.   I have three messages on my machine from her right now with varying degrees of lucidity.  Once I realized how ill she was, I went to our friend who was now her most directed foil.  I said “Princess is sick and you can’t hold any of this stuff against her.  It’s her talking but she’s gone.  It’s just the evil clowns now.”  I told her what the medical report said and about some of the discussions I’d had with the soon the be ex-husband.  I said “we have to let it go and hope for the best”.   Apparently I said out loud that I didn’t think she was going to live through it.  Sadly, I was right.  She reminded me of that yesterday.  We both talked about the good times yesterday and it helped.

Out on the ride, I was all alone, and suffering.  In a situation like this you can’t help but second guess yourself.  It’s human nature.  Could I have done this that or the other and would that have made the difference?  By the time we hit King City I was a zombie.  I got swept at mile 93 for lagging behind.  My legs couldn’t ride any harder.  And there was no one to talk to about this.  And I was beyond exhaustion.  I went to bed and was out within about 40 seconds.

The next morning I got up and received the email with the funeral arrangements.  Strangely that made everything real.  Until they buried her she wasn’t really dead right?  It was a mistake, the autopsy wasn’t done yet.  Maybe it was just someone that looked like her that was in her house vacuuming her son’s room.  The mind is a funny thing.  As I walked away from the gear trucks I had tears in my eyes.  I wasn’t crying, just teared up.  I was kind of alone where I was walking.  A man was walking the other direction.  I recognized him as one of the guys from Rest Stop 4.  The Rest Stop 4 boys are the prettiest, most buff, most creative, best fundraisers on the ride.  They are the cool kids.  I’d seen this guy around but never really spoke to him.  He walked right up to me and gave me a big hug.  That’s the kind of community that’s out on the ride.  He didn’t know what was going on, he didn’t ask.  Later that day, he was the star of the show in San Miguel.

smoking drag queen

 

As funny as these guys are, they have huge hearts.  Every one of them.  The Roadies are amazing.

Later when we pulled into Paso, I decided to stop by medical to make sure the new bike seat wasn’t causing any bad problems.  At this point I was pretty much sleep walking.  And I’d cracked the rim on my wheel.  They got a nurse who apparently had been on 9 rides and was the queen of saddle related conditions.  It turned into this weird thing.  The conversation veered immediately away from the issue at hand, my ass, and went all over the board, and I wasn’t driving.  Then she says “My brother died last week.”  I said “I’m sorry for your loss.”  She said “It’s okay, my family dynamics are pretty weird and I’m good with it.”  We talked briefly about her brother and the fact that she had called and spoke to him recently and they were “clean” to use her term.  It seemed kind of odd to me.  Then she looks me in the eye and says “What is it?”  And it all came out.  In particular the fact that Princess called three times in her last two weeks and I didn’t return a single call.  And then it all came out.   Her brother was bi-polar.  And when it was all said and done, I know I did the right thing as difficult as it was.  And I know why she was “clean” with her brother.  And I woke up the next day and rode better than I had ridden all week.

There’s a bunch of our friends who don’t understand the depth of Princess’ illness.  They have all sorts of excuses or theories.  She beat breast cancer in the late 90’s.  The chemo did something to her heart which is what killed her.  They think the hallucinations that are occasionally symptomatic of the adema caused the whacky behavior.  To me that cheapens the battle she fought.  It was epic.  She died because she didn’t have health insurance, she hadn’t worked in years and she didn’t have the medication she needed to stop the congestive heart failure.   She couldn’t work with her illness, she couldn’t get health insurance and she died alone in a home that the bank took bank and an investor now owns.  She died in a home never wanted to leave.  And now she never will.